IVF, and what to do with "excess" embryos.....

A few of the bloggers have broached the difficult subject of in vitro fertilization recently, and I am glad they did. It needs to be talked about. People today are oblivious to the fact that there might be any moral problem with it at all ("Hey, we want a baby, so we will do whatever it takes to get one" is the mentality), and yet it is a moral quagmire!

Imagine the wrenching dilemma of a faithful Catholic priest who is asked by a contrite couple what to do with their many frozen embryos left in limbo after IVF. Embryos which the wife is unable carry to term, and which the couple cannot afford to keep frozen. Here is an excerpt from an article by a priest in our diocese, Fr. Pete Rossa, who faced this very dilemma:

One Sunday morning I was approached by a married couple who wanted me to meet their beautiful twins. The couple was elated that after many attempts to conceive they finally had received twin gifts from God. Still, they were troubled. After a few minutes they revealed that their twins were conceived through multiple attempts at in vitro fertilization; they loved both children and beheld them with pride and joy.

Not until after their children were born did the couple discover that every human embryo is a child according to the Church. They now faced terrible new dilemmas; their first dilemma was that “selective reduction” was utilized so that their twins would survive-- an abortion had occurred. And, without knowing, they incurred excommunication. Their second dilemma was that the wife no longer could carry children to term; yet they had 15 embryos in a cryobank. They didn’t know what to do and asked me for advice. Their strong desire for children led them down an unexpected slippery slope. They felt trapped. They are not alone in their quandary: In 2002, more than 400,000 embryonic children were being stored in the cryobanks in the United States, according to a Rand Corporation study.

The couple I spoke with that Sunday also mentioned that they had suffered severe financial difficulties because of the extreme cost of the multiple in vitro procedures but wouldn’t relent on their need to pay the storage fees as they couldn’t abandon their embryonic children. They were experiencing severe financial difficulties due to the debt they incurred. They expressed concern that if they declared bankruptcy or were unable to pay the storage fees, they wouldn’t be able to live with themselves; they might have to cease paying the storage fees and lose what remaining control they had over the rest of the frozen human embryos.

Physical, economic, spiritual and moral torture is what they were experiencing.

To find out what Fr. Rossa ultimately told them, and to read a deep and detailed analysis of the role IVF in the present Culture of Death, read the whole article here. It is long, but it is so important. Nobody seems to know this or speak of it (outside the Catholic bubble), yet it's a situation that needs to come screaming into the light!

You know, it always astonishes me that even pro-life Christians, who know that life begins at conception, will go the IVF route and not seem to have any problems with producing dozens of embryos (their children!) and then disposing of them. Can someone help me with that? Is it just a mental block? I really want to understand it, because it troubles me greatly.

3 Quick Pet Peeves, Premiere Edition!

Because I am too undisciplined to be consistent with "7 Quick Takes Friday" posts, and because they say you should always do what you're good at (which for me is complaining), I thought I'd institute a new feature called "3 Quick Pet Peeves," which I will post whenever I feel like taking those complaints public. ('Cause, you know, I'm trying to cut down on complaining to my family since I'm trying to be a better person, and it's always preferable to complain to a hundred people rather than to just a few, right?)

Without further ado:

1. I really hate that when I lose weight, I gain wrinkles! What kind of universe is this? A fallen one, for sure.

2. The foolish "feminist" bumper sticker that says, Well Behaved Women Never Make History. Ummmm.... Ever heard of Mother Teresa? Margaret Thatcher? The Blessed Virgin Mary?!! They all had manners, class, and were well behaved! And I'm guessing Betsy Ross and Ethel Merman were nice, too! Besides, is "making history" really the goal in life? Maybe for an atheist, since atheists believe this world is all there is, but not for this woman, thank you.

3. Round, synthetic-like shoelaces, which seem to have replaced the old, flat, cotton type. These round shoelaces never stay tied, thus defeating the whole function and goal of a shoelace!!

There you have it. Thanks for reading the first of many of my "3 Quick Pet Peeves"! I'd love to hear some of yours!

PS: Yes, I realize I have now begun three different "regular features" for my blog. The Doctrinal Quiz Show, the Little Teachings From the Bubble, and now 3 Quick Pet Peeves. I have no explanation, nor do I know when/where this blog feature madness will end!

Little Teachings from the Bubble: Mary's Perpetual Virginity

Well, you know I like to keep things simple and clear. No fancy schmancy theological jargon here. (If I fall into that, slap me.)

Adrienne, a super cool lurker posing as her husband Dave, asked a great question after this post on the Immaculate Conception of Mary. After discussing the "why" of Mary's sinless nature, she wanted to know the "why" of Mary's perpetual virginity.

Here's the key that starts to unlock the "why" of it:

God speaks to us in terms of marriage. Our relationship with Him is a nuptial relationship, as Christopher West explains beautifully:

The Bible, itself, uses spousal love more than any other image to help us understand God’s plan. It begins in Genesis with the marriage of Adam and Eve and ends in Revelation with the marriage of Christ and the Church. Here we find a key for understanding the whole of Scripture: God’s wants to “marry” us – to live with us in an eternal bond of love that the Bible compares to marriage.

Okay, so you got that? It's astounding, really!! In fact, the Church teaches that the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, as glorious as it is, is merely a reflection, or a preview if you will, of the ultimate union we will have with the Trinity in Heaven one day. Earthly marriage points us toward "the Wedding Feast of the Lamb" which is how our Heavenly consummation with God is described in the Book of Revelation. Yep, God wants to marry us!

Chris West continues:

But there’s more! God wants to fill us – or, to go with the analogy – God wants to “impregnate” us, his bride, with his own divine life. This is a very “earthy” way of speaking, but it isn’t mere poetry. In Mary we witness a woman who literally conceived divine life in her womb.

Holy moley, think about that!! Seriously try for a moment to wrap your brain around that truth. It should make you fall over! Mary conceived by the Holy Spirit. The rest of us have to get to Heaven before we can hope to have such a profound union with our God. But for Mary, her union with God came on earth, and it was a union so powerful that she conceived Jesus Christ -- the Second Person of the Holy Trinity! -- in her womb! Hello??!!! I mean, who does that??

Okay, let me collect myself and get to the point: Marriage is a reflection of the union we will one day have with God. Mary achieved that union, that consummation, on earth. Even the words of the Angel Gabriel at the Annunciation ("The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you" Luke 1:35) echo language in the Old Testament which implies marital relations.

We will "marry" God in Heaven. Mary "married" God while still on earth. She, in essence, "skipped over" earthy marital union and went straight to where marriage points us, which is union with God! (And as an aside, that is why priests and nuns remain celibate as well... There is a lot of nuptial imagery in religious life. For example, women religious have Jesus as their spouse, wear wedding rings, etc.)

Mary as "spouse" of the Holy Spirit is a common and ancient understanding of the Church, and you'll often hear Mary's unique relationship to the Holy Trinity described this way:

Mary is the Fairest Daughter of the Father,

the Chaste Spouse of the Holy Spirit,

and the Blessed Mother of the Son.

Soooooo.... what was St. Joseph, then, chopped liver?

Quite the opposite! Though not sinless himself, he was a profoundly holy man and a faithful Jew. He lived his life in humble obedience to God, and God had a very special role for Joseph in salvation history. As one of my favorites, Brother Anthony Opisso (Jewish doctor turned Catholic monk!) put it:

Having been enlightened by an angel in a dream regarding her pregnancy, and perhaps further by Mary concerning the words of the archangel Gabriel to her at the Annunciation, Joseph knew that God had conducted himself as a husband in regard to Mary. (emphasis mine)

Joseph knew that Mary had conceived by the Holy Spirit! She was now the Holy of Holies made flesh, the Ark of the New Covenant who carried within her the Word made flesh! (Remember the Old Testament Ark? It was made of purest gold, and if you touched it you would die! How much more worthy and precious was Mary than a golden box!)

And now let's get very real here. Many of you know deeply holy and devout men of God. If a holy man knew from an angel that his virgin betrothed had been overshadowed, espoused and impregnated by GOD ALMIGHTY, do you think that man would go ahead and have relations with her? Ummmm..... not likely!

And yet, Joseph followed the instruction of the angel, and took Mary as his wife. He knew he was to care for her and the Baby as a husband and a father. They lived as a true, real family, in true, real love, but Joseph abstained from relations with his wife, as anyone with his understanding would do. There was precedent for this in Judaism (again from Brother Opisso):

Living a celibate life within marriage was not unknown in Jewish tradition. It was told that Moses, who was married, remained continent the rest of his life after the command to abstain from sexual intercourse (Exodus 19:15) given in preparation for the revelation at Mount Sinai. There was also a tradition that the seventy elders abstained thereafter from their wives after their call, and so did Eldad and Medad when the spirit of prophecy came upon them; indeed it was said that the prophets became celibate after the Word of the Lord communicated with them.

Even today in the Church there is something known as a "Josephite marriage" -- that is, a couple validly married in the Church who both mutually agree to abstain from their right to have sex with one another. St. Therese's parents had just such a marriage until their spiritual director, one year into the marriage, advised them to consummate. Josephite marriages are quite rare, of course, but just as in ancient Jewish times, they do exist.

Oh my, this is getting long. So much more to say, but this is supposed to be a "little" teaching after all.

I will leave you with this, because I adore this passage.... You know how the Old Testament foreshadows, or prefigures, the events of the New Testament? How everything in the OT points to Jesus Christ? Well, with that in mind, meditate on this beautiful passage from the Old Testament, in light of Mary's perpetual virginity:

The Lord said to me,

"This gate shall remain shut;

it shall not be opened,

and no one shall enter by it;

for the Lord God of Israel has entered by it;

therefore, it shall remain shut."

(Ezekiel 44:2)

Holy Mary, ever-Virgin, pray for us!

Random thoughts

• My parents are so sweet.... They pay for a cleaning lady and crew to come in a couple of times a month to do the essentials (which I essentially don't get done myself). But the cleaning up for the cleaning lady is so stinking stressful that I am thinking of dropping it altogether! I can't take the preparation! I have debated letting her go for almost five years, but still can't make that move. I really do need help with things around here, and I also just found out that one of her daughters (19 years old) has cancer. Not a good time to tell her that she has just lost a client! Please pray for her daughter, Ashley, and please pray for me to get a grip!

• Several more faith stories have been posted since the last time I mentioned them, including at least one today. If you are like me, it is easy to miss some, but I think I am up to date on linking them to my page. Catch up here. They are all so different, but all lead to one place: The heart of the Holy Trinity. I am so grateful to those who wrote of their journeys, and I can't wait for those of you who are still working on them or thinking about it.

• I really enjoy writing the Doctrinal Quiz Show, reading the comments, and handing out the Bubble Awards! Adrienne's comment (she's under the name "Dave") on the last post has inspired me to start a new feature I'm calling "Little Teachings From the Bubble," and the first installment will address her question on Mary's perpetual virginity. It will be similar to what I did with this post on God's will and Catholic freedom. Stay tuned. (And if you have any topics you'd like me to cover, just throw out some ideas. I live for this stuff!) I will also continue with the Doctrinal Quiz Show and any other everyday posts that come to mind.

• And, in the "You Learn Something New Every Day" category, I have two words: Mongolian spots. Who knew?

(This almost seems like a 7-Quick-Takes post, but there are only four, and it's not Friday.)

Answer to Doctrinal Quiz Show, Second Edition... and Bubble Awards!

Well, well, well! You guys continue to impress! I know you are really in this for the awards, but before I give those out, let's get to the big reveal.

The question I posed: According to the Catholic Church, why did God create Mary to be without sin from the first moment of her conception?

Answer: Because it was "wholly fitting" that the Mother of God be perfectly pure, without taint of sin.

I said it was sort of a trick question because I really wanted to focus attention on what Mother Church does NOT say. She does NOT say that it was "necessary" in any way that Mary be sinless so that she would not pass along Original Sin to Jesus. Because if that were the case (as Lauren pointed out), then St. Anne would have had to be sinless to bear a sinless Mary, and on and on all the way back through the generations.

It's amazing how many really sound and faithful Catholics believe (wrongly) that Mary's Immaculate Conception was necessary. I know a wonderfully orthodox Catholic who wrote a brilliant catechism which had this error in it. I pointed it out to him, and he just could not see the illogic of using that argument. I have even heard wonderful priests preach this error from the pulpit.

Anyway, it's just a little pet peeve of mine, so I wanted to clear that up.

So, in a nutshell, the "why" of it is because it was fitting, not because it was necessary.

(Find the entire encyclical defining the dogma of the Immaculate Conception here.)

The awesome answers you all offered really fleshed it out even more, diving into the understanding of Mary as Ark of the New Covenant, Mary as the New Eve. She is all that! And the encyclical above discusses those themes as well. Man, you guys are good. It also gets me excited about writing more on Mary as New Ark and New Eve. That is some amazing stuff!! Blows me away, really, so I will revisit that for sure.

Finally, what you have really been waiting for...

The Bubble Awards!

I am limiting these to six awards, or else I will end up giving one to everyone. The envelopes, please....

The Speedy Gonzales Award goes to Sew Infertile, for her quick response like last time! Secondary award for being the second commenter, commenting on her first comment. By the way, Sew will always get an award, just because she is Sew. I think that is, well, wholly fitting. ;)

The Patriot Award for Best Use of a Decoy Link in Order to Instruct Americans About Flag Etiquette goes to Cathy!

The Most Courageous Emergence of a Protestant Into the "Little Catholic Bubble" Award goes to Olya! I speak for everyone when I say that you are always welcome here!

The Most Likely to Have Written Her Comments From a Bar Award goes to Jenny!

The Flattery Will NOT Get You an Award Award goes to Shannon, for making me feel good about changing my blog design in the shameful and obvious hope of getting an award. Clearly that didn't work, but nice try!

And finally, the That's Pretty Much Exactly the Answer I Was Looking For Award goes to Lauren! I will ignore the fact that she confessed a grave sin from the last Doctrinal Quiz Show (although she will have to give back her Frank Sheed award), and I will also try to ignore her explicitly voiced complaint about my question. The fact that I still give her this coveted award is a testament to my good will, fair-mindedness, spirit of forgiveness, extreme generosity and almost unimaginable humility.

Now, please, don't despair if you didn't win a Bubble Award this time, because the rest of you won the Scarlett O'Hara Award for remembering that tomorrow is another day.

PS: Second Chances, you are still brown-nosing. ;)

Doctrinal Quiz Show, Second Edition. Play along!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog post for another episode of...

DOCTRINAL QUIZ SHOW!

(clap, clap, clap)

Okay, folks, this one might seem simple on the surface, but it's *almost* a trick question (and that's all I'm going to say about that).

Remember, the rules are that you cannot research it, google it, or ask your catechist husband the answer. Just answer to the best of your ability, off the top of your head. No cheating! Because cheating is a sin.

Don't worry, I will not publicly mock your answer unless I feel like it. I also reserve the right to give out incredibly witty awards like last time, so beware.

Here is your question (soft drum roll):

According to the Catholic Church, why did God create Mary to be without sin from the first moment of her conception?

Have at it, kiddos!

On being an introvert: The quest to be understood

Hello, my name is Leila, and I am an introvert!

About a year ago, I had "eureka" moment after more than one occasion of trying to explain myself to extroverted friends.

Before I continue this riveting line of thought, I must state this fact: God gifts us with our temperaments. There are no "good" temperaments and "bad" temperaments. They are all gifts. Extroversion is a gift, and introversion is a gift. If you have read The Temperament God Gave You, you already know this. This post is not an attempt to judge anyone or any temperament, but merely an attempt by me to be understood. Which brings me to the bare bones of my theory:

Introverts don't find it hard to understand extroverts.

Extroverts do find it hard to understand introverts.

Chew on that for a moment while I clarify terms....

The easiest way I came to understand the inherent, natural tendency to either extroversion or introversion is this quick test: Let's say you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed out, or maybe you just need to relax. If you are an extrovert, you will usually (but not always) want to decompress and unwind by going out and socializing with large groups of people (bars, dance clubs, parties). If you are an introvert, you usually (but not always) want to decompress and unwind by going home and staying in, being quiet and away from crowds.

So now I am going to repeat my theory, since my (strangely childlike) brain works best by repetition:

Introverts don't find it hard to understand extroverts.

Extroverts do find it hard to understand introverts.

Real life example from my own life. When I was in college, my roommate (one of my closest friends) used to beg me to go out on the weekends. Over the years, there was a lot of this from C:

"Pleeease, Leila, can we go hang out at the Mods?"

"Just come out for a little while? I will bring you back early, I promise! You can decide when we come home."

"How about you choose the place? I'll go wherever you want, let's just get out of here and have some fun!"

Poor thing, this is what she usually heard in response:

"Oh... no, I don't think so. I really don't feel like it. I want to stay in and paint my toenails."

"I've got so many People magazines to catch up on. But you should go out and have fun!"

"I feel awful, C, but I want to relax on my bed and watch the news and then SNL. Forgive?"

And I really did feel guilty about not going with her, because I was letting her down! But I was not the slightest bit sorry for avoiding the "action" -- In fact, I didn't feel like I was missing out at all.

Which brings me back to my theory.

I fully understand that extroverts want to have fun and party and enjoy crowds and meet new people, etc. I truly do "get" that some people are "people people"! In fact, it seems normal and natural and healthy to me that many of my friends and family are like that. The extroverted temperament is not a mystery to me.

But I tend to think that the introverted temperament is a mystery to extroverts. I believe that sometimes the extrovert is concerned that there is something wrong with the introvert. That maybe the introvert has a psychological problem, an emotional issue, or a social phobia. Perhaps the introvert is assumed to be shy.... which is interesting, because I always thought I must be shy, but I have since realized to my surprise that I am not shy. I have no trouble approaching people, talking to strangers (I do a lot of public speaking), sharing my thoughts, and even being the life of the party when the mood hits! Introversion and shyness are not synonymous.

Ironically, many people who have met me in the past few years are shocked when I tell them I am by nature an introvert. After all, I'm quite friendly, "bubbly" (no blog pun intended) and animated in social situations. I genuinely enjoy being social when I do go out (particularly in my little Catholic bubble of friends).

I've talked to a couple of extroverted friends about all of this, and how we move through life differently. They've admitted that prior to our discussions they didn't fully understand why introverts "vant to be ahlone" so much. They had thought, even subconsciously, that "unsocial" folks must have some insecurities or other "issues" which make us want to hide at home and not be out socializing as often as others are.

For a long time, even I wondered if extrovert = healthy and introvert = unhealthy. Yet, assuming that mental and emotional health is intact, this is not the case. We are all just living out the temperaments that God intended for us.

My point?

To document in some small bloggy way that we introverts are not socially crippled or emotionally troubled simply because we are introverts. And to assure all extroverts out there that your introvert friends are not snubbing or avoiding you when they stay in their cocoons. Trust me, it's nothing personal. It's just the way God made us. :)

So, for the sake of clarity (check my sidebar to see what I am all about), I had to write this post. For the furtherance of smoother friendships, better marriages, understanding among all peoples, world peace and such....

If you think I'm wrong, or if you have a better theory, I want to hear it. I am always willing to stand corrected.

Now, back to my cocoon.... or is it my bubble...? Oh, it's my bed.... yawn!

It was bound to happen...

Thanks to this post by Danya, I am no longer the most witty and beloved blogger in my (local) little Catholic bubble.

But, gosh darn it, I am still the oldest!

Tee hee.

And I'm gonna take credit for her success, cuz she is my protege....

How lame am I?

This lame:

Before my husband leaves town, he makes me dinners in advance so there will be something to eat when he is gone.

Is there a word for guilt and gratitude mixed together? Guiltitude? Sigh....

Faith Stories, conveniently linked!

Okay, so now that I have recovered from St. Jude's unfortunate beheading martyrdom yesterday (which scarred me for life), I am on to something more pleasant!

I was blown away by the amazing faith stories of the bloggers (first solicited here), and I wanted to put them all in one place, in case anyone missed some. In no particular order, here are the inspirational offerings:

Sew Infertile

This Cross I Embrace

More Than Anything

Grace In My Heart

Mary Grace Holmes

All Things

Wheelbarrow Rider

Magnify the LORD With Me

Feel My Love

HE Adopted Me First

Peace of Christ

Hope - Pray - Trust

Hebrews 11:1

Second Chances

Joy Beyond the Cross

Hope and Faith

Sarah's Journal

Patiently Waiting

Pray, Hope, Don't Worry

LifeHopes (private)

A New Amazing Life (formerly Life In Mazes)


Shoved To Them


Heart of St. Monica (private)

If I missed any, please let me know! I realize there are more stories coming, and I will add them as they become available. I have also put a permanent link to the stories on my sidebar, under Pages, as "Blogger Faith Stories."

I considered giving out awards in the spirit of my Doctrinal Quiz Show, but thought better of it because occasionally I have some class. :)