Showing posts with label Culture of Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Culture of Life. Show all posts

Monday, September 3, 2012

"Do you intend to speak for every African woman?"

It is the question I put to Obianuju Ekeocha after her last post ran on the Bubble, a powerful open letter to Melinda Gates that I had reprinted from Catholic Online. I was surprised and honored to receive an email from Ms. Ekeocha soon after the first post ran, which read in part:

"I just want to thank you personally for carrying on this amazing conversation (about my article) on your blog. I still cannot believe how my simple words from the heart became as the pebble thrown into a river to cause so many ripples in the blogosphere.

"In the last week I have seen some really bitter responses (understandably so considering how integral contraceptives have become in the western world). But I have also seen so many many positive and encouraging responses ... I really wish I could answer the questions that I see people asking, I really wish I could get many of my cousins and sisters and friends and aunties from home (Nigeria) to speak for themselves. I mean my article only lifts a tiny edge of the curtain to our culture of life and our perception of love and life. There is so much more that I wish I could communicate. I was thinking of making a photo album next time I go home of just women and their babies. Amidst the dust and dirt -- but happy.

"For now I just sort of feel powerless because of the inadequacy of my little article. We don't have any good pro-life advocacy in place in most African countries and so we really are not prepared at all for this move by Melinda to plant the seeds of the culture of death … Once again thank you so much for rising in defence of the dignity of the African woman."

We have been conversing ever since, and she was pleased to respond to the question, "Do you intend to speak for every African woman?" the possibility of which troubled my pro-contraception, pro-"choice" readers (though the same readers had no problem with Melinda Gates' $4.6 billion speaking for those same African women). While the following answer will likely not satisfy her critics, I hope the voice of this strong, dignified woman will be heard and respected, especially as she speaks of her own beloved culture and the threats to it that come, uninvited, from a world away.

Ms. Obianuju Ekeocha

"Do I intend to speak for every African woman?"

Excellent question!!

My answer: Yes and No.

Yes. I speak for every woman living in the (sub-Saharan) African context, not as if I can read their minds, but as if I can read their living situations.

This is a bold statement to make but I would dare to make it because I understand the African society, the African cultural ethics and universal values, given that I was born and raised within that culture. Africa of course is comprised of many, many tribes and tongues and creeds (Catholic, Pentecostal, Evangelical, Islam and African Traditional religion). However across state lines, borders and languages, we share the universal values of the Culture of Life. This is why abortion advocates have found it very difficult (if not impossible) to sell legal abortion to any of these countries. There is a unanimous rejection of the Culture of Death, which is very much framed by the right to kill the defenceless unborn child in the womb.

As for the acceptance and use of artificial contraception, we have artificial contraceptives in Africa. In the last 2 decades, the UN has been on a mission to reduce the birth rate in Africa so they have flooded our hospitals with it, campaigning in urban and rural communities alike. But yet - surprise, surprise - most people still refuse to accept it because they perceive it as 'anti-life'. And besides, most African women know how to avoid or delay pregnancy without resorting to chemicals. They might be poor, but they are not slow nor stupid.

Anyway, there are a combination of reasons why the African women have a high birth rate.

The first is because there is a high desired fertility rate (i.e., how many babies a woman desires to have). This is because, the older women in our communities are revered or respected or even rated in accordance to how many adult children she has raised. So my mum who raised 6 adult children commands even much more respect than her friends who have much more wealth than she does but fewer children. And one of her friends who has 9 adult children is even more respected than my mum; even my mum reveres this lady for being able to raise 9 children (one of whom is a dear friend of mine by the way). For Melinda Gates' birth-reduction programme to take root in our society, she has to completely uproot this sort of value-system where wealth is never placed above children. Put differently, our system is such that our children are our treasure, and dollars, euros, rands are only our legal tender.

A second reason is that due to our poor medical facilities, poor societal infrastructure, poor nutrition, etc., our death rate is quite high (for both men and women). The life expectancy of every person living in sub-Saharan Africa is almost half of that in Europe, and if the culture does not encourage or celebrate births, well we'd be extinct before too long!

Another reason is that because we do not have free education as in Europe/US, it is rather difficult for the poor (which is more than 65% of the population) to send their daughters to secondary school (primary school in some cases), so they get married at a very early age. Anyone can see that if you start to have children at age 14, of course by the time you get to 35 you would have more than if you had been sent to school and thus married at say 20 years old.

Now I know people would suggest that these under-aged brides be protected and saved by giving them contraceptives to delay conception, but to live in the African society and be seen as infertile is never good for the woman especially where Christianity is not widely accepted and many men take second wives. So among the poor, a wife, in order to ensure her 'place' as the sole wife of her husband will want to have more than 3 or 4 children.

Among the educated this is different because most educated men will not willingly choose polygamy. And that is why I appeal for donations in African to be channelled to education of girls (and boys) rather than contraceptives. People would never wish their daughters married off at 12 or 13 years old if they were offered the opportunity of education. No girl would want to marry so young if she could get an education, and I do not know very many African girls who will then refuse a higher education (university, nursing school, teacher training college).

Once a woman living in the African context gets her higher education she is exponentially empowered. She could get a sustainable job with her skills, and when she marries she is so much more enabled not just with her husband but very importantly among his family (as our family structure is usually in the context of an extended family of the husband). It might be useful to point out at this juncture that the more educated African women almost always choose to have fewer children (but mostly by natural methods rather than artificial  contraceptives). So rather than fill our young defenceless under-aged brides with Depo-Provera which is more like a general anaesthesia that will make them not feel the brutality of their reality, we can better empower them by giving them the lifeline of education by which they can climb out of poverty one girl at a time. Surely education is more expensive than the artificial contraceptive, but it can change the fate and face of Africa as far as poverty is concerned.

Obviously this only addresses one part of the issue - the cultural acceptance (or rejection) of artificial contraceptives. There is also the matter of the governance and politics of Africa. Major, major issue. Anyone who follows closely the news from the African continent would immediately be struck by the ease with which dictators, military coups commanders, and criminal war lords pop-up across our continent. This is so hard to relate to for most Americans or Europeans, but we must bear in mind that most Africans have and are still living under dictatorial governments that span decades. In our African reality whoever is in power wields a god-like power which cannot be easily challenged. And in my experience, most of these men, who manage to climb into positions of power, want wealth for themselves; they want to spend only a portion of the national wealth on the people and then 'keep the change' for themselves. One factor that gets in their way is the increased populations in the different countries. They have more people to feed and fund thanks to our relatively high birth-rates, so from this point the natural female fertility becomes a stumbling block to them.

I would take the liberty to bring China into this conversation (only as an example) so please pardon me. The Chinese leaders have always had both unspeakable power and unfathomable wealth, so the moment they perceived the women's fertility as problematic, they used what they had to achieve what they wanted. They launched a rather expensive but effective war against fertility: state-sponsored abortions, forced sterilisations, mandatory contraception - all done without much consideration for human rights. Now in Africa among our governments, the desire to cap national population is there, the power (to trample human rights) is there, but the money is not, so women remain safe from this sort of violence.

But this could very easily change by the time Melinda pours into our territories the incredible amounts of artificial contraceptives that she is campaigning for (her target is to get enough for 120 million women! Most of whom are in Africa). I can just see this in the hands of the African dictators who will be quick to 'weaponise' every single one of these contraceptives (pill, pin, patch or injectables). I know many people who think that it is a 'nice' thing to do to get this 'choice' of birth control to the women, and I understand that they mean well, but are we willing to allow this extra edge of power to fall into the wrong hands? So on this point I speak for ALL African women who are as safe as the Authorities are disabled by limited supplies of artificial contraceptives.

For the societal acceptable sexual norms, I'm afraid I don't speak for all African women. However, by universal cultural standards, I do not know of one single African community that will accept or applaud 'free' sexual expressions, sex-outside-of-marriage, cohabitation, casual sex, domestic partnerships, friends with benefits etc. (all of which I have seen is widely accepted in the European culture that I live in today). Not to say that people are not engaging in such life styles in Africa, but they are never validated or endorsed by the society. A mother can never proudly tell anyone that her daughter is living with her boyfriend.

But in more recent years, thoughts and tendencies of the younger African women on different things are informed and formed by a broad array of factors: social class, wealth, education, degree of devotion to faith - these will all determine her level of exposure to western cultural values (this one is very important - so an African woman who has access to internet and cable TV spends more time watching American TV series [such as Mad Men!] which is more often than not highly sexualised; over time her perception and definition of love, sex and family life is inevitably shaped and formed). So there is an emerging group of African girls (though not a majority at all) gradually being "westernised" because they perceive the entirety - the whole package - of the western life as the 'glamourous life', the 'modern life', the 'better life'.

In order to embrace and accept this life, they inadvertently let go of some or most of our African universal cultural standards. With this persistent pursuit of the 'better life', many young Africans are now standing on the precipice beyond which lies the mirage of happiness/fulfillment promised by the new western norms of sexual expression. They have the choice either to jump off that precipice leaving our own norms behind, or to stand back in the realisation and appreciation of the beauty and solidity of our own African Culture of Life, which is so compatible with faith and morals.

I personally have chosen not to jump, I know many many, many other African women who have also chosen not to jump. And I pray that as my beloved African sisters come up one after the other to that precarious precipice they too would turn back and hold tight unto the beautiful Culture of Life which holds the firm promise of light, life and true love.


+++++++


For the past six years Ms. Ekeocha has been living and working as a biomedical scientist in Canterbury, England. Most of her family and many friends still live in Nigeria. From Catholic Online: Ekeocha "was inspired to write an open letter to Melinda Gates after learning of Gates' move to inject $4.6 billion worth of contraceptive drugs and devices into her homeland." She is hoping Gates will hear her "as the voice of the African woman." 

Ms. Ekeocha and others are hoping to find assistance from American pro-life advocacy groups/attorneys who can advise re: organizing and strengthening the continent's pro-life efforts to best fight against the coming contraceptive/Culture of Death onslaught.






.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A reader's questions answered

As I contemplated what to write about in these last days before my July blog fast, I thought about mourning over stolen innocence here (and the outrage of political injustice that fuels it; vote Obama out!), or lamenting our nation's loss of decency and shame here (may our all-pure and all-holy God have mercy), but then I remembered an email from a reader that I have put off answering for too long.

So, let me get to it.

Hi Leila,
I know you have a ton of worthy topics, but I was wondering if you would be willing to address any of these topics?


Sure! I am an expert on exactly nothing, but I love to throw out my thoughts!

* Raising boys in an over-sexed culture. (I am already praying for [my young son's] purity, but I am still concerned. I know guys are way more visually oriented than girls, and that once they get the images in their heads it is hard to get them out. Could you talk about how you parent your boys with regards to this?)


With six boys of my own (from age 19 down to 2), it's a topic near and dear to my heart. You are soooooooo right about the visual nature of the male mind. If women had any flipping idea how different the mind of a man is when it comes to sexual images and urges, they would be shocked, speechless. The very best thing I have ever read on the subject is something that I also required my teen daughters to read. The book made one daughter weep, because before that day she had no idea. Even I was stunned. I thought I knew. Parents, read it first, and then hand it to your teen daughters:

For Young Women Only: What You Need to Know About How Guys Think

It may seem weird that I'm recommending a book for girls when you asked me about boys. But I promise you, this book will give you so much insight into how your son's mind will work when he becomes a teen that you will be well-equipped to teach and understand him.

To specifics: My boys are raised to know that their bodies are made by God and are used to glorify him. Each son is told that his private parts are not play things, but that they have a very special and holy purpose for marriage. One day, if he marries, he will have the privilege of becoming completely and intimately united with his wife in a way that is unique among all other relationships, and which is reserved only for the two of them. This act of love is so sacred, so special, so transcendent, that it has the capacity to create new human beings who will live for all eternity. My boys understand that sexuality is a powerful gift that a man must learn to control, so as not to hurt any woman or child who might suffer for his selfish actions in this area.

We are not prudes here in my house, and we don't shy away from talking about sex (age-appropriate only, of course), but no one has yet had any trouble grasping the concept of chastity as virtue, the sacredness of marriage, and how important it is to live honorably in this regard.

Here's an exchange I have with all my sons (not limited to the sexual issues of course), starting at a young age:

I say: "Who is the strongest man in the whole world?"*

They answer: "The one with the most self-control!"

*I love that when they are little, they answer: "God!" or "Jesus!" Then I clarify for them that I am talking about merely human men.


I also remind my older boys that using pornography is not only a selfish act that is degrading to them and disrespectful to all women, but it is also highly addictive, and they will easily become a slave to it. Porn will render them weak and wimpy and pathetic -- not like real men at all. There is nothing honorable about it.

Also, they know that pornography and all other sexual sins are mortal sins. My boys have a healthy fear of offending the God Who loves them (and Whom they love). And while it's certainly not something we dwell on, they would prefer not to spend their eternities in the pit of hell, so they act accordingly. Go figure. ;)



* A review of how to prove or disprove an argument logically. (This is mostly because people on facebook and who comment drive me bonkers.)


I hear ya on the "driving me bonkers" thing.

I've never studied formal logic, so my approach is just what makes sense to me. When I encounter something nonsensical or evil that is being passed off as something reasonable or good, I start with a simple question (not a statement) that challenges a person to take his idea a little bit further. No more than a question or two at a time, or else the whole thing just becomes a non-productive multiplication of words.

If the person you are debating becomes emotional and insulting, you stay unemotional and kind. And ask the question again. And again (maybe with different words). Make the question concrete and logical, not nebulous or vague. Wait patiently for an answer, and if it comes, move on to the next logical question. Answer any honest question he has with clarity and truth, and if you don't know the answer, tell him you don't know, but you will find out and get back to him.

Side note: One sign that a person is not debating in good faith is when you get a question like, "How does it feel to know that you are entrusting your children to a band of pedophiles with funny hats?" (Though here's proof that on rare occasions even stuff like that can turn into good! She later apologized and was open to being corrected.) Another example of someone debating in bad faith is when a Protestant accuses Catholics of "worshipping Mary" and then won't accept Catholic teaching itself on the issue (i.e., that worshipping any creature, including Mary, is a mortal sin).

Back to the question at hand, I have to be honest and tell you that not everyone should be involved in these kind of deep exchanges with clever secularists and zealous Protestants. We all have different gifts, and not everyone is cut out for long, philosophical debates. Sometimes an ill-advised or badly executed debate can do more harm than good. A person who is not cut out for the "battle" may instead want to be a powerful, behind-the-scenes prayer warrior while others do the debating, and/or simply have links ready so that a challenger can go to other legitimate sources for answers.

However, if one has a fairly good working knowledge of the faith and of the issues, then the debating part can be a learned skill. I'm learning every day, with things becoming more clear and focused to me as time goes on. I know that you (the original questioner) are fully capable of dialoguing in truth and love, so maybe just get some of the basic arguments and questions down pat, on the most important topics, and don't forget to pray before you type! (Or direct the person to the Bubble and I'll take 'em on, ha ha!)

Also, while I genuinely care about the folks I debate and hope to plant seeds, I know that most are not likely to change their ideology. But there are many fence-sitters, as well as Catholics who need to find the courage of their convictions, following the facebook/Bubble conversations. My discussions are often for them more than for the person whom I'm debating.


* Your view on how to best address the cultures descent into chaos. Do you think we should start with whatever the current issue is (e.g., the current one- gay marriage) or just start with contraception (since it all flows from there) or abortion/euthanasia (since you are more likely to encounter people who think they are wrong)?


While six months ago I might have said that gay "marriage" is the most pressing issue of the day, and six months before that I would have said it's definitely the foundational issue of contraception, today it's suddenly, eerily, the very issue of religious liberty itself, and whether we will lose the legal right to speak and live our Faith freely. The battleground is changing faster than I can keep up with it!

So, I guess each encounter in the battle is going to depend on the person and the situation. For example, it can be difficult debating evangelical Protestants and getting them fully on board the Culture of Life, because while they are in love with Jesus and they defend traditional marriage and the rights of the unborn with us (praise God!), they've simultaneously adopted the Planned Parenthood mentality on contraception (as you've said, it all flows from there), and the anti-establishment mentality of bucking (Church) authority. So we Christians are not fighting the Culture of Death effectively, as one Body. That's a sad legacy of the Reformation.

And encounters with secularists have their own special challenges, as it's hard to debate and seek truth among those who see the cultural train wreck as "progress", and who don't believe that an objective moral truth exists in the first place.

Ultimately, it's hard to say precisely where to start on the outside. But we do know where to start on the inside.

While this sexual free-for-all, the destruction of the family, and the loss of a sense of sin and shame has brought us to our knees culturally, it's also brought us to a moment of great grace. It's clear at this low point (ever lowering) that prayer and fasting and a return to God really are the most important weapons in the battle. There is only one thing that has ever overcome the darkness and despair and ugliness of sin, and that is Love. Jesus Christ crushed and defeated evil and death not by overpowering it, but by undergoing it, with love. So, the first step is to remember who we are, where we came from and where we are going. I promise you that the world needs saints more than she needs good debaters. The saints will win the battle for hearts and souls every time, because they have a moral authority and a teaching voice that rises above all others.

Be a saint. Teach your children to be saints.

And please, never despair, no matter how far into the abyss we go, because we have this assurance from the One Who commanded the very universe into being and yet Who stoops to love each of us as tenderly as a Bridegroom loves his bride:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -- John 16:33

I know that I would really enjoy reading any of your thoughts on these topics.  I know I don't comment much, but I definitely keep up with the reading! 


Thanks!

I did ramble on, so thank you for sticking with me!



PS: Anytime you place an Amazon order through a link on this blog, or click the Amazon link at the bottom, 100% of my commission will be donated to the orphans.



.

Monday, May 28, 2012

The sheer idiocy of "Every child a wanted child"

A little stream of consciousness from me today….


…or off with their heads!


"Every child a wanted child" has to be one of the more insidious pro-abortion slogans.

Think about this silly little euphemism for a second.

There are only two ways to ensure a child's "wantedness":

1) We start wanting the children we create.

or

2) We kill all the unwanted children.


The first option is the choice to love.

The second option is the choice to kill.

VoilĂ ! Both options will leave us with only "wanted" children!

Since the unborn child is helpless and has no way of remedying his "unwanted"/"wanted" status, the "unwantedness" or "wantedness" of a child falls, 100% of the time, on the adults around him, including the adults who made him in the first place (the parents), the adults around those parents, and the adults in society at large.

The Culture of Life's solution is love, and the Culture of Death's solution is, of course, death.

But let's go with the fun little slogan for a moment, and expand it. How about, "Every woman a wanted woman"? The rest of you will be shot at dawn! Too bad for you -- you should have been wanted, heh heh heh. Maybe "every Jew a wanted Jew"? Wait, someone in the 1940s already thought of that one. Oh, sorry, I'm sooooo out of line there.

Back to the original: "Every child a wanted child."

Let's revisit the premise. So what if a child is unwanted (i.e., unloved) by others? Since when do we have the right to kill those who are unloved and unwanted? Isn't our own humanity measured by how we treat those who are the least popular, the biggest outcasts, the most despised? What the hell kind of culture kills its unwanted?

And what does it say to the children of a culture when they hear slogans proclaiming that they must be "wanted" or else they are not even worthy of life itself?

Thank God that Catholicism teaches the polar opposite of the evil pro-"choice" slogan above. "Wantedness" has never been the measure of a human being's worth, nor a requirement for being allowed to stay alive.

Blech, I can't even think of a more sickening way to measure someone's value than if other people "want" him. If we don't want a piece of clothing or furniture anymore, we get rid of it. But we don't do that with human beings. At least not in my world.

I'm going to challenge the ghoulish slogan above with the following antidotes:

Every child is a wanted child.
Every child is intrinsically valuable.
Every child is infinitely lovable.
Every child is made in the image and likeness of God.

Imagine a world where we live and teach those truths!


"Can a woman forget her infant, so as not to have pity on the son of her womb? And if she should forget, yet will not I forget you." -- God


And as for these idiocies…







...don't even get me started!!