My book, Raising Chaste Catholic Men, is published!!

**UPDATE: Paperback is back up and ready to go! Thanks for patience!

AHHHHH!!!! After almost 50 years on this planet, I have written my very first book, Raising Chaste Catholic Men: Practical Advice, Mom to Mom! You all have been so supportive (and patient, as I've been terribly absent from this blog), and I can't thank you enough. They say that writing a book is like having a baby, and it's sorta true! Excitement at the beginning, long stretches of waiting in the middle, and then pins and needles at the end! Ironically, my "book baby" took about nine months to gestate, from conception to birth! Weird! But so fun!

The book is basically a heart-to-heart yet very practical talk from one mom to another, about what we can do to help our sons remain chaste. It's a worry that so many Catholic moms have (thank goodness for women who care about their sons' virtue and salvation!), and after hearing enough of them ask me to write something helpful, this is the result.

If we are going to change the world for Christ, we have to work together and help one another. I hope this little book will help mothers (and fathers) who are raising sons, so that we can combat the crisis of manhood in our culture, and give the world men who flourish as God intended!

Okay, here is the description, with reviews to follow:


Anxiety among Catholic mothers is sky high. How do we teach our sons to be chaste when a sex-obsessed culture is ready to drag our boys into the pit at every turn? All we want to do is protect the innocence of our little ones and the honor of our teens, yet the snares of ubiquitous porn, hook-up sex, LGBT ideology, and the devaluing of true manhood appear unavoidable. What’s a mother to do? 

Relax, grab your beverage of choice, and flip open Raising Chaste Catholic Men. In this little heart-to-heart between us girls (although the guys can listen in, too), Leila Miller will take your hand and calm your fears by giving you practical advice in simple terms, based on her 25 years of experience in raising eight children, six of them sons. Some of the serious topics addressed with good humor and no fear include:

• Three basic rules for parenting
• What to do when boys are little
• Answering the culture’s accusations
• Straight talk about masturbation
• Navigating pop culture
• What to do when things go wrong
• Advice from chaste young men themselves

...and much more, all of it designed to bring your worried heart some peace by giving you a plan of action and the power tools to pull it off. So, trust God and dive in! You’ve got good men to raise, and the world needs them!



PRAISE FOR RAISING CHASTE CATHOLIC MEN

"If I could give every Catholic parent three books, the first two would be easy: the Bible and the Catechism. Next? Probably this one. Leila Miller's guide addresses the one challenge that terrifies almost all parents: How can we raise chaste, Godly children in a culture incessantly feeding them lies about sex and marriage? More specifically, how can we help our boys grow into young men who are free from sexual sin and radiate heroic virtue? If those are your questions, this book has the answers. Leila tackles head-on the most pressing vices such as lust, masturbation, and pornography, showing how to help your son navigate around them. Her advice is hopeful and practical, full of plain-language tips and proven solutions. The many first-hand accounts from admirable young men, including Leila's own sons, show the fruit that will result from these strategies. All Catholic parents should read this book carefully, once by themselves and then once again with their spouse. We live in a crooked sexual culture. This book will make straight the way."

- Brandon Vogt, author of RETURN and Content Director at Word on Fire Catholic Ministries


"If you, like me, want to get into the duck-and-cover position any time the subject of talking to your kids about sexuality comes up, then this book is for you. With the candor of a good friend and the wisdom of an experienced mother, Leila Miller demystifies a subject that is overwhelming for many people."

- Jennifer Fulwiler, bestselling author of Something Other than God and host of The Jennifer Fulwiler Show on SiriusXM

"In Raising Chaste Catholic Men, Leila Miller reminds us moms that the Church is there for us. The thing is, Leila is there for us too, an image of Mother Mary, to show us how the Church helps raise up our future men. In her characteristic style—full of love for clarity, logic, and truth—she gives straight talk to moms about the straight talk we need to give our sons. Her book is a conduit of grace."

- Dr. Stacy Trasancos, author of Particles of Faith


"Our society is in a crisis of authentic masculinity. Parents, even Catholic ones, don't realize the battle they are in for their children's souls, especially for their sons. Leila Miller's book offers sound, practical wisdom to Catholic parents seeking to help their sons grow to become chaste, faithful men. Miller draws from her own experience in rearing faithful sons in a pornified culture and delivers helpful tips for how other Catholic parents can do the same."

- Devin Rose, Catholic father and author of Navigating the Tiber, blogging at heroicvirtuecreations.com


“Every generation has a few writers who can simply and clearly impart wisdom and direction, and Leila Miller is one of these. This book is necessary for any parent, priest, youth minister, or guardian who wishes to tackle the subjects at which most would normally balk. Leila handles the hard questions gracefully and directly, and her succinct, no-nonsense wit keeps you gripped and wanting to know everything she can teach you. I have no doubt that men for many generations will be blessed and thankful for her efforts, not the least of which are her very own successful and honorable sons. Of course she has the right to name the book, but I would call it Manual for Not Raising Derelict Hedonists.”

- Rosalie Contrite, of ContriteCatholic.com and This Catholic Life podcast


In Raising Chaste Catholic Men, Leila Miller provides frank, funny, and faith-filled advice on protecting boys from our diseased culture. If you've given up or given in, thinking that "every family has at least one" child that abandons the faith, this book will renew your hope. Mrs. Miller not only speaks from her experience as a mom; she rounds up young men to speak directly to the reader. You can raise chaste Catholic men! Just grab this book and spend some time on your knees.

- Connie Rossini, author of Trusting God With St. Therese, and ContemplativeHomeschool.com


"I loved this book, and every mother and grandmother of boys should read this. There is such hope and joy in knowing it's possible to raise strong moral men in spite of the culture swirling around them.”

- Rebecca Frech, author of Teaching in Your Tiara: A Homeschooling Book for the Rest of Us


Please enjoy!

And if you would like a signed copy, email me at raisingchastecatholicmen@gmail.com and I can tell you how that works.


For paperback, go here:
Raising Chaste Catholic Men: Practical Advice, Mom to Mom

For ebook, go here:
Raising Chaste Catholic Men: Practical Advice, Mom to Mom

(They are not linked for some reason; gotta figure that out.)


+++++++++


First "regular reader" feedback is in! Here is what I heard this morning:



'This was a friendly, supportive, quick read. I liked that your certainity challenged me. "Character formation" is the part that really jumped out at me. I tend to be the easy-going, lets have fun parent. I like that you didn't punish me for having that attitude, but reminded me to do both (parenting & friendship) but do it in the right order (parenting first, then friendship). I felt really encouraged that I am doing similar things in sexual education. I read this thinking "Oh yeah, we're on track." I liked your humility. I didn't feel like you were "teaching me" I felt like you were "coaching me." I loved, loved, loved the quotes from young men in the back. My son is only 11, so I really don't have that feedback loop of young male adults yet. At the end of the read I felt like you said "You've got this" and I mentally answered "Heck, yes!" Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please write more books.'


'I have it!!! Started reading it this morning after I woke up! Couldn't hold myself back! Leila, it is sooo good. No, I take that back - it is great! Can I say that this just may be the most needed book ever? Lol. Just wanted to give you some early feedback. I'll be writing a review for it on Amazon when I am finished. Congratulations! I was smiling when I read the first few chapters because it was just so YOU!'

Answering L, for clarity's sake

An anonymous commenter known as "L" left a comment yesterday that I thought was worthy of its own post, as it covered many topics that begged to be addressed. 


Her comments are in red italics.


I agree with college student about sex since the beginning of time and will one up that with "read up on human history." After all it was a long, long time ago that the Catholic Church itself was waffling on the sticky issue of "ensoulment" (for college student, this was the notion that a fetus did not have a soul until 40 days gestation for a male or 90 days for a female... because the church, like most folks at the time, did not see females as equal.) 


L, thank you so much for this opportunity to publicly correct this very common error. The issue of "ensoulment" was a theological concept, a pondering put forward by theologians at the time. There was never a time when the Catholic Church condoned abortion. The Church, regardless of the "ensoulment" discussion, has always and everywhere taught that abortion is an inherent evil. Moral truth does not change. 


Has there been sexism in the Church through the ages? Because her members are human, and sinners, yes. There have been sinners of every stripe in the Church, as much yesterday as today. To read what Pope John Paul had to say about sexism and the dignity of women in general, please read his Letter to Women. If you truly desire the Catholic response to this concern, it's worth your time.


Some Popes denounced any abortion regardless and some said it was okay as long as they did it before ensoulment. 


Some popes "said it was okay"? When you make a statement like that, you really need to cite your evidence. The truth is that no pope ever -- at any time, in any era -- taught that abortion was okay.

There have always been drugs, teas, tinctures to induce abortions - even hundreds of years ago. It is WELL DOCUMENTED. 


You are absolutely correct. Not only has abortion existed hundreds of years ago, but thousands of years ago. Catholicism has stood against abortion since Christ founded the Church over two thousand years ago; after all, abortion (and infanticide) was quite common in pagan Rome. No one on this blog, nor any Catholic I know, would dispute the fact that abortion has always existed. Murder, rape, theft, lying, cheating, and myriad other sins have also always existed. There is no new sin under the sun.


Ever since men have had the upper-hand over women, there has always been rape, incest, domination and subjugation throughout history. But here, in modern times we have a voice to say "NO MORE."


The wording here makes me think of the first part of this story. You are correct that sinful men have oppressed (and continue to oppress) women. Rape, domination, and subjugation are evil and unjust, and I thank God that we live in a nation where we do have a voice to fight that evil and assert our innate human dignity. If you "read up on human history" (to borrow your words), you will see that Western civilization has provided women the greatest freedom and dignity, as well as the loudest voice with which to oppose misogyny. In most cultures outside of Western civilization, women are still systematically and/or legally dominated, subjugated, dehumanized, raped and even murdered. I encourage you to investigate why Western civilization has been so good for women, while other civilizations have continued to oppress and misuse them.

What about suffrage? Thank you feminists. NOt Being the PROPERTY (not partner) of one's husband? Thank you feminists. Being able to breastfeed in public? Thank you feminists.


Oh, how I love the suffragists! Thank you, Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Victoria Woodhull, Sarah Norton, and so many other strong, courageous women! The early feminists knew that the violence of abortion was a crime against both women and children and an affront to human dignity. Their stories are compelling and inspiring, and I join you in lauding these amazing women.


Now, "women as property" is a non-Christian concept, as the dignity, equality, and partnership of spouses is made clear from the beginning: 

1605 Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: "It is not good that the man should be alone." The woman, "flesh of his flesh," i.e., his counterpart, his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God as a "helpmate"; she thus represents God from whom comes our help. 

1662 Marriage is based on the consent of the contracting parties, that is, on their will to give themselves, each to the other, mutually and definitively, in order to live a covenant of faithful and fruitful love.  [Catechism of the Catholic Church]

Breastfeeding, in public or otherwise? You've come to the right place! God Himself designed breastfeeding, which is so beautiful that it's actually theological: 

…[Breastfeeding] benefits the child and helps to create the closeness and maternal bonding so necessary for healthy child development.  So human and natural is this bond that the Psalms use the image of the infant at its mother’s breast as a picture of God’s care for man.... [Pope John Paul II's Address on Breastfeeding, 1995]

So, thanks be to God for breastfeeding! And thank you to the seven courageous and devout Catholic mothers who founded the La Leche League in 1956 to support nursing moms when the rest of society had turned to bottle feeding. Even if modern feminism never existed, Catholics are all over breastfeeding.



You may hate contraception and abortion and the using of sex as a cheap way to fill carnal and sinful desires (secular people don't like a lot of this lifestyle either) But stop with blaming feminism. 


I hope you are correct that secular people don't like that lifestyle either. But what part of  secular/liberal philosophy will lead to the cessation of that lifestyle? Can you show me in feminist literature where the "free love" mindset is being fought against or repudiated? Help me understand why modern feminist thought is not an accessory to the sexual mess we find ourselves in today.


Stay out of FoxNews type talking points. 


That came seemingly out of the blue! But let's address it: Fox News talking points on what? Contraception? I have never heard a FoxNews reporter or commentator oppose contraception. I assume they use contraception at the same rate as the general public. In fact, I remember when Sean Hannity (a Catholic) fought on air with a priest, vehemently defending his own use of contraception!


Or perhaps you believe that Fox News has talking points in defense of Catholic moral teaching? It's quite the opposite. Bill O'Reilly (a Catholic) has bashed John Paul II and the Church's teachings on sex more times than I care to remember. I was so offended that I stopped watching Fox News for years because of it. Fox News is most definitely not a mouthpiece for the Catholic Church.


These are effects of the human condition, they don't exist because some women don't want to get pregnant and take a pill to keep from doing so. 


You are absolutely right that sin is part of the human condition, a result of the Fall. And as we humans have the strong tendency to be drawn toward sin (virtue ain't easy!), any mindset or philosophy that facilitates or encourages sin is best avoided. There are better alternatives, which keep us happy and healthy.  :)



L, in conclusion, I can't assume that your misrepresentation of the Catholic Church is due to bigotry or malice, so I will assume it's just that you didn't know. I like your passion, I think we do have points of agreement, and I do hope that you will continue to comment. However, if you are going to make your case against Catholicism, please check Catholic sources to make sure you first understand what Catholics believe. That way the debate is fair and honest, and readers can see both sides presented with integrity. I truly appreciate it.

“The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion, but, on the contrary, of its liberality and humanity. It is shorter to state the things forbidden than the things permitted: precisely because most things are permitted, and only a few things are forbidden.”  

G.K. Chesterton

"Values" vs. Virtue -- and what kind of man your daughter will bring home!

I've been a parent for a long time now, and I have heard many, many parents -- in real life, in print, and on television -- talk about their ultimate hopes for their children: "I just want my child to be happy." "I want my child to be successful." "I want my child to have a good education, a good job and good relationships."

I never hear: "I want my child to be virtuous."

Virtuous??

Who talks about virtue anymore?

Well, outside of the Church, not many. (Okay, let's be honest... even most Catholics today don't talk about virtue.) In general, talk of being virtuous has been replaced by talk of having "values" -- even though virtues and values are not synonymous.

Here's how I see it:

"Values" are simply, well, what one values. We all have them. They are beliefs, ideas or priorities that are special and important to a person. Values are subjective, and they are not based on the concepts of good and evil, or right and wrong; rather, they are based on personal preference, choice and emotion. Even unrepentant killers, narcissists, and the devil himself have values.

Virtues, on the other hand, are based in objective morality. The very word, virtue, means "moral excellence" and is defined as the habit of doing good and avoiding evil. As St. Augustine said: "Virtue is a good habit consonant with our nature." So, while everyone has "values," not everyone is virtuous.

To illustrate the difference, let's play out the scenario of a daughter (my daughter??!!) bringing home a man of "values" vs. a man of virtue.

Scenario #1: The "Values" Man


Daughter [excited and giggling]: Mom, Dad, I want you to meet Fritz! He is just awesome, and he has so many values! He's spent a lot of time going through "values clarification" exercises in school, from elementary all the way through grad school, so he has learned to "choose, prize, and act upon" the following things that make him feel great:  Being popular, making money, looking good, being comfortable, and enjoying sensual pleasures*! Oh, Mom, Dad, don't you love him??!!

[Mom faints in horror, and Dad catches her as he weeps.]


Scenario #2: The Virtuous Man


Daughter [excited and giggling]: Mom, Dad, I want you to meet Athanasius! He is so awesome! He was raised to have the habit of virtue, and thus is incredibly virtuous! He is patient and humble, chaste and temperate, courageous, just and merciful. He is prudent in all he does and has incredible fortitude. He is joyful, generous, understanding, faithful, and has amazing self-control! He is also modest, peaceful, hopeful and reverent. And, he has such love! Love for God above all, me next [giggle], and for his fellow man! Mom, Dad, he is what real manhood is all about! Don't you love him??!!

[Mom faints in ecstasy, and Dad catches her as he weeps for joy.]


Moral of the story? The difference between "values" and virtues could be the difference between my daughter bringing home a narcissist or a hero!

I'm rooting for Athanasius.  ;)

So my hope (plea?) is that we Catholics would bring "virtue" and "virtuous" back into our everyday vocabulary and to the front of our minds. It shouldn't seem strange to say the words, nor should it be old-fashioned to live the life. In fact, in this confused, disconnected, disordered world of "value-neutral" values (irony!), I'm thinking that to quite a few lost and wandering souls out there, the rediscovery of virtue might be like a cool drink of water to a parched and dying man.


*all these "values" were found on "values clarification" exercises on the Internet. 



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