A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The "supreme gift of marriage" is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged "right to a child" would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right "to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents," and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception." CCC #2378
The voices of kids raised by gay parents are still few and far between, as it's early yet in this sweeping social experiment, but mainstream and social media have ensured that positive reports go viral, such as Zach Wahls' tribute to the lesbian mothers who raised him. I would never expect a child to speak ill of the family he loves, and we can all admire Zach's loyalty.
However, there are many children of gay parents who simply remain silent in their pain, not only to protect their parents, but to protect themselves. If they do speak out to grieve the absence of a mother or father or to question the means of their creation, they risk immediate ridicule or a condescending reminder to be grateful -- and be quiet.
For example, back in March I read with sadness a People Magazine article story of the Today show weekend anchor who is pregnant through anonymous donor insemination, and who will be raising a daughter with her lesbian lover.
First, the daughter of two lesbians:
[Kaitlin C. -- unedited]
congrats to them both and the baby. I am the daughter (not biological) of two mom’s. I love them both sooo sooo much but their is not a day that goes by that i didn’t wish i had a dad. it is very hard for kids like me that are different. no matter how accetping are society is. i have men in my life – my moms’ friends but it is not the same. please, don’t get me wrong, i really love them both but i guess i’m just saying it is not the same. -KC
She received an odd sort of sympathy in reply:
[amalia -- unedited]
Dear [Kaitlin C.],
I understand your point. It’s the same as of millions of people that grew up without a father figure. Either because their fathers didn’t take the responsibility and left them, or because of a divorce, death, estrangement etc. The phenomenon has been around since forever, it has nothing to do with homosexuality. Thus nothing to do with this thread.
Family is that close circle of people that offer you love and care unconditionally and create you a solid environment to educate and develop.
Just as a little detail, I had both parents around as I grew up, but my dad had never been a father figure, nor involved at the level I needed. It was just a personal experience that I overcame just fine. Love is everywhere!!!
In other words: "Your experience is nothing special, Kaitlin. Lots of people suffer through life without a dad and let's just be really clear, your fatherlessness has nothing to do with homosexuality (even though your fatherlessness is precisely because of homosexuality, shhhh!). Let's not point out the fact that while those other father-losses I mentioned were tragedies or the result of sin and neglect, your father-loss was planned and intended by people who love you. And remember, it's all about love, which you can find everywhere!!! (Except for the love of a father.) Bottom line: Your feelings are invalid, please sit down and shut up."
The second dissenting voice also came from a young woman, and although she was raised by a mother and a father, she was conceived through anonymous sperm donation, a fact which unites her experience with that of the children of gay parents:
[Kathy -- unedited]
I’m the product of a my mother’s egg and a sperm donor. I love my parents but I don’t agree with the fact that I will never know half of my biology or my siblings. I will never do that to a child. If I can’t have them, I will adopt. I hope more couples, gay and straight, consider adoption and foster care.
Like Kaitlin, she declared her deep love for her parents, but dared to expose a great wound as well. Here's the scolding she got, admonishing her to stay silent next time:
[Marky -- unedited]
Kathy, I am the adoptive mother of a child who was abandoned on the street with no identification in another country. We adopted her as an infant who was assigned a birthday, a name, and any other information, including what town they thought she might have been born in. Children born using sperm donors are not the only children on the planet who may never know their biological heritage, or bio family, etc. You know half of it, and frankly, I’ve known many people who discovered their bio parents and siblings, only to wish they had stuck with the adoptive parents they knew. Your insistence that knowing bio family makes all the difference in your life is exactly why many people nearly kill themselves to try to have bio children rather than adopt or foster. Believe me, your parents’ worst fear was the thought you would end up saying all the things you have posted here. All they wanted was to have a family, and when you “father”came to grips with the fact he couldn’t do the deed himself, they probably chose to do what they did so you would be related to at least one of them. I know people who were from your same circumstances and they feel very differently. Adoption and fostering, both of which I have done, is not some easy road, either, depending on personality of the child. There comes a time when you need to accept your circumstances and live the best life possible, not to be harsh in any way. Most people make the best choices they can, under their circumstances, when choosing how to build their families.
In other words: "You spoiled little brat. How dare you snivel and whine when you at least know half of your biological heritage? Look at you, complaining about being the product of a stranger's sperm-for-hire when you could have been an orphan on the street! Your speaking of your pain is your parents' worst fear! How dare you make them feel bad? They did this because they wanted a child at all costs, you ingrate. Your profound loss and disconnection from your origins was orchestrated by the ones who love you the most, so you have no right to complain. You must learn to support adults' choices in how they build their families! They have a right to children and you need to respect that. I mean this in the kindest way: Sit down and shut up."
Now, do you think Kaitlin or Kathy will speak up again any time soon? Not likely. However, as gay "marriage" and artificial reproduction (donor sperm, surrogacy, IVF) go hand-in-hand, we are going to hear more and more stories slipping out, even if they have to be told anonymously, and even if the truth upsets folks.
There aren't yet many seniors who can look back on their life and evaluate the impact of being raised in a homosexual household, but at least one man has done so publicly. In an article that made "huge waves" in France before the recent controversial gay "marriage" vote there, a 66-year-old Frenchman who had been raised by lesbians broke his lifelong silence. He had never wanted to speak of his suffering, but said he simply could not allow the injustice of same-sex "marriage" to come to France. In Jean-Dominique Bunel's emotional interview, he explained that although he loved the women who raised him, he became more and more affected by his situation as he grew into adulthood:
"I suffered from the indifference of adults to the intimate sufferings of children, starting with mine. In a world where their rights are each day rolled back, in truth, it is always the rights of adults that hold sway. I also suffered from the lack of a father, a daily presence, a character and a properly masculine example, some counterweight to the relationship of my mother to her lover. I was aware of it at a very early age. I lived that absence of a father, experienced it, as an amputation."
"All my life as an adult was thrust out of whack by this experience," he blurts. But he stops himself there. "It is too intimate a matter." Pushed, he concedes, "I offer you a testimony. It's not the same in value as a poll. Other children, placed in the same conditions, have certainly grown up and reacted differently. But to the best of my knowledge, no serious study has been carried out in due diligence about this topic, within scientifically irrefutable conditions and bearing upon a large sample size. I doubt that many children of gay couples will open themselves up easily and honestly to journalists on this very delicate matter. It's traumatizing to speak of suffering that one would rather silence."
"...in the name of a fight against inequalities and discrimination, we would refuse a child one of its most sacred rights, upon which a universal, millenia-old tradition rests, that of being raised by a father and a mother. You see, two rights collide: the right to a child for gays, and the right of a child to a mother and father."
I urge you to read it all, here. Like Kaitlin and Kathy, Monsieur Bunel deserves a voice in this debate.
So does Robert Oscar Lopez, Ph.D, a bisexual married man raised by lesbians and who for years was immersed in the gay lifestyle. He has been vilified for daring to speak against the acknowledged orthodoxy, but he refuses to be bullied into silence. His story was the first I encountered from a child of gay parenting that was not politically correct. It was raw, introspective, honest -- and difficult to read. Since going public, Professor Lopez has "been in frequent contact with adults who were raised by parents in same-sex partnerships":
They are terrified of speaking publicly about their feelings, so several have asked me (since I am already out of the closet, so to speak) to give voice to their concerns.
I cannot speak for all children of same-sex couples, but I speak for quite a few of them, especially those who have been brushed aside in the so-called “social science research” on same-sex parenting.
Those who contacted me all professed gratitude and love for the people who raised them, which is why it is so difficult for them to express their reservations about same-sex parenting publicly.
It's hard for these folks to speak out for two reasons: 1) It's frightening to be politically incorrect as a brave new social movement is bulldozing the land and yours is not the acceptable narrative. 2) It's unthinkable to come out publicly with reflections that would deeply hurt the ones who raised and love you, and whom you love in return.
Ultimately, it's hard to assert one's rights and demand justice when society denies that you have any rights at all. If children have no inherent or natural rights, they are, by default, commodities to be manufactured and manipulated, bought and sold and traded, tested and discarded if defective, killed (or "selectively reduced") if eventually unwanted. How could it be otherwise? Either children have intrinsic, natural rights by virtue of being human, or they only have the lesser rights that the adults decide to give them -- which makes them chattel.
Heterosexuals began this injustice against children long ago by demanding a "right" to a child at all costs, it's true, and now the gay "marriage" movement will only solidify and advance this view of children in our land, with the added injustice of systematic deprivation of a mother or a father.
The left prides itself on being tolerant, on fighting the oppressor, on giving voice to the weak, on being sensitive to the pain and feelings of others -- but will the proponents of gay "marriage" invite or even allow these hurting children of gay unions to speak of their experiences without censure or rebuke?
I'd like to be optimistic, but I'm not holding my breath.
Ultimately, it's hard to assert one's rights and demand justice when society denies that you have any rights at all. If children have no inherent or natural rights, they are, by default, commodities to be manufactured and manipulated, bought and sold and traded, tested and discarded if defective, killed (or "selectively reduced") if eventually unwanted. How could it be otherwise? Either children have intrinsic, natural rights by virtue of being human, or they only have the lesser rights that the adults decide to give them -- which makes them chattel.
Heterosexuals began this injustice against children long ago by demanding a "right" to a child at all costs, it's true, and now the gay "marriage" movement will only solidify and advance this view of children in our land, with the added injustice of systematic deprivation of a mother or a father.
The left prides itself on being tolerant, on fighting the oppressor, on giving voice to the weak, on being sensitive to the pain and feelings of others -- but will the proponents of gay "marriage" invite or even allow these hurting children of gay unions to speak of their experiences without censure or rebuke?
I'd like to be optimistic, but I'm not holding my breath.
+++++++
