The day you have dreaded has come...

There is only one waste-reducing exfoliating body cleanser left.

That's right.

Just one.

There is only one more lucky blogger who can possess this treasure. Only one more home which can be graced with this holey object.

Who will it be?


Will it be you?


Or will you be left behind?


I know that each and every one of you wants to get your hands on this amazing manifestation of radical leftist environmentalist engineering. You will be able to bathe and exfoliate while at the same time saving the earth from annihilation.

Every day, millions of Americans strut selfishly, thoughtlessly into their showers, heedless of the plight of the planet. But you have been enlightened, and now you know what you must do. You must do your part. You must be a responsible citizen.

You must have this soap!

How will you get this soap? How can you stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution? How can you be the example for all your neighbors and friends? How can you acquire the one personal hygiene product which will identify you as truly progressive?

Simple. Just tell me why you deserve the last bar of holey exfoliating cleanser. State your case, and if you convince me, the bar is yours.

This may very well be the greatest blog giveaway ever!

Go!

Why I am not "green." Illustrated.

Yes, it is true, I don't understand the liberal mind. 


So, we get to our southern California hotel room, and we are confronted with a brand new kind of soap... er, I mean waste reducing exfoliating body cleanser.

The package tells us the following (among other eco-reassuring things): "This innovative ergonomically shaped 'waste reducing' soap has been designed to eliminate the unused center of traditional soap bars."

You got that? The middle of traditional bar soap tends to go unused, thus creating waste. Happily, this new "green" soap is specifically designed to eliminate that previously unnoticed environmental hazard.

A closer look....

My husband actually thought that my kids (who destroy everything) had vandalized the soap.


My dear daughter was perplexed and repulsed, calling the soap "disgusting environmentalist green dysfunctional non-sanitary soap."  But how do you really feel, honey?
                            




Okay, so can you guess the irony? Here is a visual of the irony:

Visual irony, continued (before and after shots):

That is correct. The "waste reducing" soap breaks up easily into big wasteful chunks of soap, much larger than any "unused center" of traditional soaps. The useless, chunky pieces are then thrown in the trash. 

But wait! It gets better! There is a secondary soap available for hotel patrons, presented right next to the ergonomically correct reduced-waste (highly wasteful) soap. This secondary soap is produced and marketed by the same "green" company:

                           

Do you see more irony? Why, if you flatten it out a bit, that little round soap looks almost like it could be....the missing soap center! 

But that can't be right, because then we would not only have to throw out the big chunks of waste from the reduced-waste soap, but also the unused center of the little round secondary soap as well. Thus, we not only defeat the purpose of the reduced-waste "green" soap, but we actually create more waste (by far) than the old traditional bar of soap.

It seems to me that the tale of the soap is a metaphor for the liberal mindset: You get to feel good inside about accomplishing nothing (and usually making things worse). 

Thoughts?