Monday, January 24, 2011

Is Christian love "gibberish"?

It's clear from comments on this blog that there are two very different views of love: The Christian view and the secular/atheist view.

The cultural shift from the Christian view to the secular view has been steady -- and troubling. In past posts, I've asked atheists "What is love?" and the answers and discussions have been fascinating. Here are some thoughts on love from our atheist readers:


To me, love is a human emotion and doesn't have a 'meaning', any more than other human emotions like euphoria or anger or curiosity or whatever. 


Just as I painted the walls of my master bedroom blue because it is my favorite color and makes me happy, I am married to my husband because he makes me happy as well. 


I think that the feeling of "love" is what sets marriage apart from any sort of close friendship you might have with someone else, so once it is gone, there is no longer any point in staying with that person.


I absolutely would equate love to "chemical reactions in a brain that was randomly created and has the basic effect of making us feel good." 


I don't think that I chose to love [my husband]. I think my love for him is one of those crazy chemical reactions, and not something that I picked for myself. I would say that love is something you "have" for someone, not something you "do" or "choose."


[Love is] a very special emotion. 


[Love for a child is] due to a biological desire to care for your young [and] has no higher meaning than that.


Love is an emotion...associated with hormonal changes, physiologic changes, rapid heart rate, deep emotion, glad feelings, sad feelings, satisfaction, anxiety. Not under voluntary control necessarily.




I appreciate and respect the honesty of my atheist readers. This is how I would sum up their position, and they should correct me if I have it wrong:


Secular view of love = involuntary emotion; random chemical reaction; biological response; transitory; a feeling you "get", not something you "do".


Let's switch gears and look at the Christian understanding of love:


Christian love is an act of the will


Love is a choice.
Love is a deliberate decision.
Love is willing the good of the other.
Love is an outpouring of self ("self-donation") to the other.
Love is an offering; in other words, a sacrifice.


Love is not a feeling, although feelings do accompany love. Sometimes those feelings are ecstatic, blissful and peaceful, and sometimes they are excruciating, agonizing and raw. At other times, there are no feelings at all.


What a relief and a freedom that true love is dependent on the will alone! Imagine the possibilities: While our emotions are not always within our control, our decision to love always is. This makes us capable of loving our enemies (or a cranky spouse, a defiant child, a nasty neighbor). It made the saints capable of loving their executioners. (Think about that for a minute!!)


Christian love is not transitory, self-interested and fleeting, but rather transcendent, transformative, and eternal.


We are told (and shown) by Christ that the greatest love is to lay down one's life for another. This is no "good feeling" or "chemical reaction" -- it is a choice and an act, a willful offering of one's whole self.


When I recently wrote about the sacrificial nature of love, one atheist reader responded with a single word: "gibberish"


Gibberish? Really? 


But which view of love do we all yearn for? Is it the view that says "My love for you is based on an involuntary good feeling I get from you, and once the feeling is gone, so am I"? Or is the one that says "My love for you is based on an irrevocable decision to put your good ahead of my own, even at the cost of my own life"?


Which love do you want? 


I don't really have to ask. We were all made to love and be loved, not to use and be used. In the depths of our souls, we know this. Every one of us knows this. 


And it's not gibberish -- it's a clear, understandable, harmonious love song, straight to the heart.











41 comments:

  1. I would like to add that love is the recognition of another's self in its totality. It is the acceptance compassion and understanding of another, faults and all. It is the ability to see God's image in that person.

    It is for this reason that we are called to love our neighbor. Loving your neighbor includes seeing their humanity and regardless of how well or poorly you know them, feeling empathy and compassion for their circumstances.

    Love is mirroring God's commitment to us to one another.

    (and love is your post!) ;)

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  2. If so, then I would like a whole bunch of gibberish please!!! :) If it has no more meaning than a chemical reaction, boy, how depressing is that??

    By the way...did anybody ever think that maybe God designed the chemical reaction as part of the way to help us experience Christian love? GASP! God created science? My, what a controversy I've opened up here...

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  3. I'm sure glad I didn't marry an atheist.
    Great post Leila!

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  4. Perhaps these are some of the more opposing atheist points of view, and I'm sure others are represented, but as a former atheist who spent a lot of time thinking about the topic (since a lot of atheists took the above viewpoints, and it didn't feel right to me), I want to give my two cents on how I viewed love back then.

    To me, it was very much a choice, and I suppose the most concise view could be described as "paying it forward". I felt very grateful for the time, effort, and care that people (family, friends, teachers) had put towards me, and I felt (and still feel) that their mentoring of me was a large part of forming the person who I was (and am). As such, I felt that it was my duty to pay it forward, since obviously such a system that allows me to be the benefactor of such generosity for free would wither away without any new blood. And perhaps that sounds a little harsh, like I felt forced to do it, or that I kept tally (someone did a favor for me, and now I need to clear my debt with them), but that wasn't how it was at all. Regardless of where I was in life (down and out, or doing well), I always was at least alive and had people who loved me. Doesn't everyone deserve that, and as a person who strives to be capable of that, shouldn't I strive to provide that love as much as possible?

    Nowadays, I recognize that urging more as part of a longing God has inscribed on everyone's heart. ^_^ And while there are likely some logical flaws in my argument without God that wouldn't hold up well in corner cases, I think it shows that a basic Christian understanding of love isn't terribly out of reach for an atheist; it ends up coming down to attitude and definitions.

    Allie

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  5. Amazing, Leila! Stunning. The truth of your words brought tears to my eyes!

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  6. "Love" this post. :) When I was coming of age in a divorced home, I felt so helpless to ever find love because I believed it so far beyond your control. "Love" in this way made me feel depressed and helpless. Then I thought okay, I don't want to be a victim of someone else's whims. So I will just do the controlling. Wow, pure happiness.

    I can see why people say love is just a chemical reaction but that kind of love never really results in happiness and mostly results in selfishness. Or to put it from a child's perspective... when you're told that Dad won't be home every night because he just kind of fell out of love with Mom - but it's not his fault, his chemical reactions did it so don't get too mad at him - wow, "love" sure is cruel.

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  7. Thanks, guys.

    Crypticstar, you are so right... this is written on the hearts of atheists, too, and it's so close they can touch it! Some are closer to understanding the truth than others. I'm so glad you came all the way home.

    M Hastings, that is a perfect addition, and thank you!

    Hebrews, exactly! You troublemaker. :)

    Sarah, so sad, what you (and so many) went through as a child. No child can understand that kind of "love". Such joy that you found the real thing!

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  8. Wonderful post!

    I remember reading the comments to the original post and being a little disturbed. I'm so glad that we have Jesus' example of what love truly is!

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  9. [In past posts, I've asked atheists, "What is love?"]

    What is love. Oh baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more...

    Sorry, couldn't resist...

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  10. Thanks Leila... and just to clarify, I wasn't told those things in those exact words by anyone! It's just when you don't have a clear understanding of true love, it's hard to make sense of things!

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  11. WOMAN you are 100% on this. This is definitely one of my top 5 of your posts. I absolutely enjoyed every word. I'm reading this to my dh tonight. How blessed we are to have true Love! Thank you friend:)

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  12. Thank you for posting this. I was just thinking the other day about when someone who believes this is married to someone that has more of a worldly view, how difficult that chasm can be. Those that are stuck in the dominant worldly view of love don't realize it because it is EVERYWHERE. Television is so discouraging these days...Sorry for the tangent.

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  13. What a beautiful post and yes I think we can all admit freely which love we would rather have. I agree with Beth, if that is really how atheists view love then I am so glad I didn't marry one :)

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  14. Well said! I remember learning this when my husband and I had to get our marriage blessed by the Church and I initially scoffed at it. We were still newlyweds at the time. But after 11 years with some trials in between, I finally learned what love really means.

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  15. So, how do I deal with the fact that I still believe in the sacramental vows of marriage and love my husband of 30 years and suddenly, he has decided that he doesn't love me anymore and he isn't sure if he wants to remain married to me? I don't know how to reach him anymore....he won't let me touch him and he spends hours talking to strange women on the internet....

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  16. Dear klh57, oh that is heartbreaking. I hope the readers can give some wise advice, and I also would love to talk to you... If you can, please email me at allthemillers@cox.net.

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  17. Sheesh...what happens when you get sick of your bedroom paint color???

    Everything you write is so timely, Leila! I just had a conversation on the atheist worldview, including their version of love, on the bus ride home from the March for Life tonight! Awesome post! (Btw, we basically came to the conclusion that secular/atheist love boils down to nothing more than love of self.)

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  18. klh57,
    I have very limited personal advice for you, but I think that the most important things at this time are (a) do not lose hope (b) contact a priest (even if your husband won't go with you, talking to a priest about this could be incredibly insightful) and (c) PRAY! Pray for your marriage, pray for yourself, pray for your husband.
    I will lift up my prayers for you and your husband, as well.

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  19. ...and be watchful for His answers. Seek Him out, and listen for His response!

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  20. Beautifully and succinctly written, as usual, Leila.

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  21. klh57, my friend is going through a divorce and it's a similar situation. It has been tough for her but at the same time it has forced her to completely surrender to God and it's been amazing to see how much He has brought peace to her in the midst of the storm. Her faith has deepened immensely and her trust in God is stronger than ever. I'm praying for you and your husband. I pray that you will receive much peace during this difficult time.

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  22. klh57- so sorry, I'll be praying for you and him...

    didn't DC Talk sing that "Love is a verb" ?

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  23. Thank you for the prayers - they are greatly appreciated! I am going to counseling - reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts...

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  24. I think you say it all right here, "But which view of love do we all yearn for? Is it the view that says "My love for you is based on an involuntary good feeling I get from you, and once the feeling is gone, so am I"? Or is the one that says "My love for you is based on an irrevocable decision to put your good ahead of my own, even at the cost of my own life"?"

    That's powerful! Why would it be more attractive to merely look at love as a chemical reaction rather than a deliberate choice to put a person's wellbeing above your own?

    And, to have a God that would do that for you is very powerful! How can you not love him back?

    Thanks for this post, Leila!

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  25. My comment on this post was solicited because apparently I was the atheist who inspired the post with the word gibberish.

    Leila says, When I recently wrote about the sacrificial nature of love, one atheist reader responded with a single word: "gibberish".

    This is a mischaracterization of what I called gibberish. My first comment was merely listing the various types of what we define as "love"(agape, fraternal, erotic, etc.) I think this is important because so much of this blog (and the blogosphere in general) is a disruption of what people use as definition.

    To that list Leila said, "I agree that society uses the word "love" for any number of emotions. An abusive relationship is not "love" actually. Love is always about willing the good of the other. Abuse is not willing the good of the other.

    If the thing you call "love" is not good, not life-affirming, then it is not, in fact, love.

    Some have said that Love is synonymous with sacrifice. It's an "offering" of oneself to the other. That can be eros (romantic) love or other levels of love, up to agape. But it's always about giving oneself for the other.

    That is the Christian view.

    One last thing: Love doesn't "come from" God; God and Love are the same. God is Love. Whatever is pure love down here is simply a reflection of the Trinity."


    My abrupt rebuttal was: "gibberish". In retrospect, I realize that this may have sounded rude, but gibberish actually does have an actually non-rude meaning, and Leila's comment is gibberish in the common parlance of our society. The bolded portion is gibberish to anyone who does not believe in God of the Bible. Let's just say that God is all the things that are Good. God is chocolate milk. God is Natural Law. It's gibberish.

    Only with reluctance do I try to litigate this comment at this point. I've enjoyed coming to this blog, but I realize that the faithful value a place to be left alone to their ideas and ideologies. For the record, the reason I left is because of the shifting definitions in use here. This exact problem: the incessantly defining of people as "pro-aborts" and lumping every type of criminal with the pro-choice movement is beyond the pale for me. To me, that is not only rude, it's inaccurate.

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  26. Tony, thanks for the clarification! So, would you say that what I wrote in this post (the Christian understanding of love) is "gibberish" or not? I guess I'm just wondering what you think of what I wrote here.

    And for some clarifications from this side: God is not chocolate milk. God is not Natural Law. Perhaps you don't understand Christianity as well as you think you do? I hope you will consider that you don't have a clear picture of Christianity if you used those analogies, even in jest. :)

    I've enjoyed coming to this blog, but I realize that the faithful value a place to be left alone to their ideas and ideologies.

    ??? I don't understand this statement, as this Bubble is a place to debate and discuss from all viewpoints. Have I ever said I don't want to hear opposing viewpoints?

    This exact problem: the incessantly defining of people as "pro-aborts" and lumping every type of criminal with the pro-choice movement is beyond the pale for me.

    Incessantly? Evidence of that, please?

    Lumping every type of criminal with the pro-choice movement? Clarify, please?

    Thanks, Tony!

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  27. Incessantly? Evidence of that, please?

    Please don't make me go back and read all those posts again... and the 347 comments on each. Five posts on Finkel, a post on Gosnell, the AZ pulmonary hypertension patient, the recent one about "anti-Catholic bigots" protesting as pro-choicers.-- and that's just in the last few weeks.

    In each post there's a request worded some way for "liberals" to explain said phenomenon. Why do liberals or pro-choicers have to explain it? Did Charlton Heston have to explain why James Earl Ray shot MLK? (not a rhetorical question.)

    Just last week we had a blogpost titled: "Abortion advocates, please comment on what you will see here..."

    Abortion advocates? Or do you mean "Abortion-rights advocates"?

    Even my comment about gibberish was mischaracterized in this very post. I said nothing of the "sacrificial nature of love"; my use of the word gibberish was in answer to a specific comment about God being defined as Love.

    I was merely saying that two words: God and Love, have myriad connotations. Ask 10 different people what they mean by those two words and you'll get 10 different meanings for each--- that's 100 permutations, just with ten people. So to say that God is Love has no meaning... like saying "protein is food." Gibberish.

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  28. I like that you pulled quotes from liberals you asked, but didn't post reader responses from christians on what love is. Sure, a scientist or someone who uses science as a basis for life would use words like 'synapses' or 'chemical reaction', but defining love has been a challenge of the human race regardless of their belief for a long time - just because they didn't pull out the book of corinthians doesn't make their definition void.

    To say that atheists are the only ones who fall out of love (and that they do it by choice - or lack of choosing) is a loaded statement with no basis in anything. Christians are just as likely to get divorced - so clearly once they're out of love, they're gone too - and have just as little control over the length and quality of their love.

    I'm an atheist and my definition of love deserves to be heard and added to what can only be described as a hateful post on people who don't see the world as you see it.

    To me, Love is a real feeling. It can be talked about through science, it can be talked about through faith and religion, but if can only be truly felt by the person in love. Love is the feeling I get when I look at my beautiful son, when I watch his plump little fingers explore the world around him. Love is laying in bed with my husband - our son quietly breathing between us - and wondering at our existence. Wondering how amazing it is that billions of years, billions of people, a life time of decisions and mistakes have brought us to this point - have brought us to this beautiful, passionate, loving family.

    My husband and I were counseled before our marriage by my grandfather who is a christian. We agreed to it knowing that they would try to test our relationship, but we only came out stronger. We were told that the love of a christian marriage is so much stronger than that of a marriage that does not have God. I've never experienced a Christian marriage - and you've never experienced an atheist marriage, so neither of us are equipped to say for sure one way or the other. For those who claim that their life was in shambles and then they met God - well of course your marriage (and other relationships) would improve upon focusing on a path - that just pure logic.

    I'm not going to claim that I love my husband any more than you do, or that my love for my child is any more or less significant than your relationship with your children, but I will say that atheists have no choice but to place their love in the present. I grew up in a Christian home and I know that there is so much emphasis on your after life. Your heavenly/eternal life is the ultimate goal. In an atheist home, what you have is what you get. Living, loving and doing for today is what life is all about. Loving passionately, embracing each moment and living like any second can be your last. In the same breath - living like there is no end also hold true value. Respecting the earth and maintaining it's beauty is critical when you don't think a mythical creature will come rapture the Christians and burn the atheists in eternal flames.

    My husband and I discuss all the time how perplexing it is to us that people who say that God is the only one who can judge them find it so easy to judge others. The bible thumping, right wing conservative agenda bashes atheists, stereotype muslims and call those who support pro-choice murders - but according to your Bible, who are you to judge? I tell my husband all the time that if this elitist mentality is what it means to be Christian... if I'm wrong and there is a heaven... I'd rather burn in hell.

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  29. Alicia, welcome! I am glad you are here, and I appreciate what you are saying. I have a response, but I am having three simultaneous family crises here, and I promise to get back as soon as I can! Thanks for patience!

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  30. Alicia, I absolutely believe that you and I can love deeply. We are human, and we love. True! I would never say that atheists cannot love, because that would be a lie. What I am getting at is that your view of love is based only on a feeling. Yes, it's a real feeling (feelings are real).

    I also know that many, many Christians would describe love as a "feeling" just as atheists do. That's because the culture has defined it as such for generations. Most Christians have not been taught about love. For them, it's a feeling, and feelings come and go. Even strong feelings.

    My point is that Christian love is a verb. It is often accompanied by nice feelings, but that's not the crux of love. That's how we can love our enemies. Do you love your enemies? Can you? I don't think anyone can if love is just a feeling.

    So, we are talking about two different understandings of love. I actually think that your love for your husband and son is much more than a feeling. Much deeper and transcendent than you think.

    By the way, I'm interested in what you say about Christians stereo-typing Muslims. (That was after you scolded us about judging others but then stereotyped us as bible thumpers who do unjust things to others. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but that doesn't seem consistent.) What is it about Muslims that you find tolerable that you don't find in Christianity? I've always been curious about that. Thanks!

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  31. Tony, do you think those protestors holding those vulgar signs and making lewd actions pretending to be Jesus and Mary are not anti-Catholic bigots? Help me understand. What would an anti-Catholic bigot look like?

    You say there is a distinction between "abortion rights advocates" and "abortion advocates". When someone is an "advocate" of something, that means they are in favor of it. If someone is actively involved in promoting abortion rights, they must not think abortion is so bad. They might think it's even good.

    Are you an abortion rights advocate? Do you actively advocate for abortion rights? If so, can you also be against abortion? Help me with the distinction.

    I don't think the average "pro-choice" American is an abortion advocate, because most don't know the first thing about abortion, from what Roe v. Wade says to how many abortions are done for back up birth control, how many mid- and late-term abortions there are, etc.

    I think if the average "pro-choice" American (not the NARAL and feminist types) saw the video I posted on today's new post, they would quickly decide that abortion is abhorrent, and perhaps switch sides. Much like Abby Johnson.

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  32. So to say that God is Love has no meaning.

    Actually "God is Love" is a truth. That humans can't fully grasp that truth is irrelevant.

    Think about it: If you asked 10 people to expound upon the words: "photosynthesis is a process by which light energy is converted into chemical energy", you'd get a mess of permutations. That doesn't make the statement any less true. You see?

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  33. Alicia said:
    "I will say that atheists have no choice but to place their love in the present. I grew up in a Christian home and I know that there is so much emphasis on your after life. Your heavenly/eternal life is the ultimate goal. In an atheist home, what you have is what you get. Living, loving and doing for today is what life is all about. Loving passionately, embracing each moment and living like any second can be your last. In the same breath - living like there is no end also hold true value. Respecting the earth and maintaining it's beauty is critical when you don't think a mythical creature will come rapture the Christians and burn the atheists in eternal flames."

    Sorry, this makes no sense, Alicia.
    Why does anything you do, either for the "present moment" or for "future moments" matter? Why?

    If we're merely a blob of DNA, worm food, whatever, why does any moment matter?

    Does tomorrow even matter? If it doesn't, then what does it matter to try and live lovingly?

    Where does you feeling of love for your husband and son come from? And what does it matter?
    You mention the word "value".

    What does that word mean to you? Value love? Why bother? Atheists are skeptics. Why value anything? Simply cuz it's the nice thing to do? If nothing matters in the grand scheme of time and space, then lets just chuck it all, do away with being nice or loving to anyone anywhere at anytime. It's a bleak downward spiral anyway, right?

    I don't follow the logic here.
    -Nubby

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  34. Nubby - I care for the future, because I have a child and a family - and whether I care for him because of some firing of the brain, some God-given emotion or because it's just the fun thing for me to do, I love them. I love my son the way he will love his children and they will love their children and if this is all we get - we need to make the best of it. If it doesn't make sense, if we're here because god put us here or because some explosion took place in space billions of years ago, we're here. We feel. We are. It's not simple (the christian explanation or the scientific explanation), it just IS.

    I personally feel that religion is an attempt to bring understanding to life. To give people a reason for being. To keep things in check. However, if we all go into life with a clear and level head and realize that we're all in this together, we're all here... living, being, doing, then the reason or an explanation of existence doesn't matter. Christianity (and many other religions) hold a number of morals that we should all hold dear for greater good of mankind. Even if we are just a flicker in time, we are here and the fact that we're here, beating the odds of chance, evolution, whatever, we're here and it's amazing - so conservation, continuation, longevity is important. Let's see how far we can go and what this world can become without blowing it up over religious wars, land disagreements and greed.

    Leila - I'm just as tolerable of christianity as I am of muslims or any other religion - you have just as much right to believe the things you believe as I do and they do. I see flaws in the things they do as much as in things I do, christians do, etc. What I find wrong is the growing affiliation that Christians (and our country as whole!) is placing on muslims and terrorists. I've been in many disagreements with people (mostly christian/right wing/conservative) who have this idea that muslims are terrorists. They find it hard to see the difference between an extremist group (like your protest photos from the march of life) and the average muslim (people like me). One of the biggest flaws I personally see in all religions is this idea that THEY are right and everyone else is wrong. That person standing next to you, worshipping a God with a different name, wearing different clothes, living in a different country, believes just as whole heartly as you do that what they believe is the truth. What they do is right and they can't be swayed any more than you can. So, who's right? you? because you have faith? because you feel the love of god? or them? because they have faith? and because they feel the love of their god? Both religions routed in a book, both books written by man, both books claim to be the word of god - delivered to man. I'd question a muslim the same way I'd question a christian - why so little tolerance? What does it really matter what this other person is doing? who they're praying to and why they're praying to them? I get the whole love of thy neighbor argument (you want your neighbors to feel the love you have for your god), but that excuse can only be used for so long. This intolerance only leads to more war, more disagreements and more hatred (or love - whatever).

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  35. Alicia said:
    "I personally feel that religion is an attempt to bring understanding to life. To give people a reason for being. To keep things in check. However, if we all go into life with a clear and level head and realize that we're all in this together, we're all here... living, being, doing, then the reason or an explanation of existence doesn't matter. Christianity (and many other religions) hold a number of morals that we should all hold dear for greater good of mankind. Even if we are just a flicker in time, we are here and the fact that we're here, beating the odds of chance, evolution, whatever, we're here and it's amazing - so conservation, continuation, longevity is important. Let's see how far we can go and what this world can become without blowing it up over religious wars, land disagreements and greed."

    Alicia, do you realize you're sounding way more Christian than perhaps you'd like to admit? You're not sounding evolutionary (atheistic) at all.

    If we're mere animals, then guess what that means? It means survival of the fittest. There's no love in the animal kingdom, Alicia.
    If we humans just somehow came together in a blod of molecules, and we're no better than animals, then it means this:
    I get bigger, better, faster stronger, better looking, richer than you ... and I get to eventually overtake you.

    That's animal kindgom. That's the world you claim we live in from an atheistic point of view.

    You speak of "a greater good". Alicia, without a framework for "good", there is no relevance to a "greater good". You can't arbitrate where those lines are drawn if you have no framework from which to draw them.

    Methinks you haven't purposefully studied any philosophy seriously - whether it's Christian philosophy or not. It's nice to say you care for family, for the planet, for humanity whatever. But you need to realize that when you investigate "Why" you care that you're entering a realm of philosophy that requires a hard look in the heart and mind.

    And your answer is insufficient both scientfically and religiously. Sorry, that's just the facts.
    -Nubby

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  36. Alishia, I'm a bit confused. Christians don't "tolerate" Muslims? What do you mean? The Christian churches are being bombed, and hundreds of Christians murdered and driven out of the Middle East. But Christians are intolerant of Muslims?

    I am an Arab. My dad is an immigrant from Palestine and then Egypt. (In fact, the past two days have been about trying to get my parents on a flight out of Egypt! Thankfully, they did get out a few hours ago.) I love the Middle Eastern people, and I know many wonderful Muslims. But right now, the intolerance (by Islam, by atheists, by secularists) is all going pretty consistently one way... against Christians.

    And I am sorry but I can't escape the feeling that those on the left feel very protective of Muslims (though many militant Muslims would behead liberals in a heartbeat considering the liberals' pro-gay, pro-abortion, anti-God beliefs), and very hostile to Christianity. Do you deny that liberals are sympathetic to Muslims and hostile to Christianity?

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  37. Alicia, I am sorry I misspelled your name. I hate when I do that to people.

    I wanted to have you check out this link while we are talking about intolerance. Real intolerance.

    http://littlecatholicbubble.blogspot.com/2010/12/i-rarely-do-this.html

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  38. Love it. There is a great book out there done by two clinical psychiatrists called, "Love is a Choice."

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