Thursday, September 16, 2010

This was tough, but we have a winner!!

Before I announce my decision, may I say that you all have exceeded my expectations with your brilliant and heartfelt submissions. I am beyond disappointed that I cannot bestow a holey soap upon all of you. You are all worthy, and if I have learned one thing, it's that I need to swipe a lot more soap next time.

In the end I had it narrowed down to about five contestants, each one so deserving of soap.

But ultimately, one name kept popping into my head. I think I knew the moment I read her submission that she was the one.

What struck me to my core was her true contrition. Her deep regret at not having been sufficiently green in her life. And her purpose of amendment, or a willingness to change. I could sense a genuine conversion. And when one lost blogger converts, 99 bloggers will rejoice! She was lost, but is found. Dirty but soon clean. Uncaring, but now green. She merits the holey-ness to come.

I am sure by now you all realize that our winner is:

Kaitlin 



But wait! There was another contestant who won my heart and who cannot leave this contest empty-handed. In fact, her answers were so prayerful, and her spirit so pleasing, her appeal to saints and feast days so profound, that I could not leave her as less than (w)hole. This woman -- who has come in second place twice now -- has earned her holey reputation. She is, in fact, so holey that she is going to be receiving... THE HOLE:




That's right, Joy Beyond the Cross has won what is suspected to be the would-be unused center of the waste-reducing exfoliating cleansing bar!!! Whoo-hooooooooo!!! We all rejoice in your holey-ness! And since green is the color of Ordinary Time, the profound nature of this prize continues.

On behalf of those now devastated at having lost their last chance at this most coveted of all prizes, I appeal to Miss Gwen, our resident liberal, to seek out and find the progressive craftsmen craftspeople who fashioned these sudsy treasures. Appeal to their sense of fairness. Tell them that not everyone received a prize, and that some are feeling unequal, discriminated against, possibly oppressed. Please Miss Gwen, haven't we been good to you, and tolerant?? Aren't we entitled??




20 comments:

  1. ha ha. I must have missed your previous post but congrats to Kaitlin and JBTC!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pissing my pants laughing! so funny! I actually would DIE if Miss Gwen could make that happen! I would die! ;) So funny!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I would like to thank the trees, the cows, and every blade of grass that helped make this possible. Without them, I would have no reason for being clean.

    I promise to use my wholey soap to raise awareness of the plight of greener bathing products (and post a picture to continue to laughter over at my blog).

    I am honored, humbled, and ridiculously excited to receive such an awesome prize.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my, I have waited for this moment for...er...a long time. I would like to thank the Saints in Heaven who probably went without soap on many occasions, truly demonstrating how MUCH they cared for the environment and how LITTLE they cared about such things as vanity, the esteem of the world. I don't know if I will be called to die to self and sacrifice my daily shower, but if I do, I know that I will only be prolonging the length of time this dear (w)hole soap will sit in my shower, causing me to reflect with joy and love upon the great people brought together here in the "little Catholic bubble".

    Did I make it before the music started?

    Seriously though (or really, how could I be serious) - thanks Leila - this was a fun contest (as so many of yours are and brought some JOY to my week). God Bless you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. such good stuff, holding my sides loving it all!

    ReplyDelete
  6. By the way, I remembered that I still have a chance to get some of that soap. Ann is going to come visit me when we're down in Alabama for Thanksgiving, and she said that if my family is crazier than hers, she'll give me her soap. I'm 99.9% sure I'm getting that soap ;)

    By the way, YOU are related to these people too Leila! Ann can give you the scoop after Thanksgiving!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can't wait to hear about my relatives, Beth!! I want pictures, too!

    And you know, those few holey soaps are now so valuable! I don't even own one anymore. I do like GIMH's idea of putting my picture in them, as a frame. Hopefully, all the winners' mantles will have my soap-framed picture....

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have spent the evening crying, Leila. Crying into my full-of-soap-where-there-should-be-a-hole soap. I may have to gouge holes in all my soaps in the morning. :-)

    Congrats to the lucky green winners!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lisa, if it's any consolation (and I know there is probably no consoling you), you were in the top five....

    It hurts me more than it hurts you.

    Maybe Gwen will come through for us?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh good. I was secretly hoping I wouldn't have to wash genitals in Africa with holey soap... that would be way too hands-on for me...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh no! no more soap! I'm on it researching the company ha ha ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL... this was just TOO fun. Congrats to JBTC and Kaitlin... worthy winners!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Beth - I'm going to be as objective as I can, but you've got a big battle over who has a crazier family.

    ReplyDelete

PLEASE, when commenting, do not hit "reply" (which is the thread option). Instead, please put your comment at the bottom of the others.

To ensure that you don't miss any comments, click the "subscribe by email" link, above. If you do not subscribe and a post exceeds 200 comments, you must hit "load more" to get to the rest. We often have meaty and long discussions -- trust me, they're worth following!