Is having eight kids "sketchy"?

For many reasons, I don't normally talk about my family on this blog. I'm making an exception today. 

During the Big Blog Blow-up of 2010, there were many comments left on many different blogs, some of which were about me. I thought I would address one that caught my attention.

It went like this:

Personally, I think having 8 kids is sketchy - how do you really mother/father each one? How do you give each one the love and attention they deserve to become well-adjusted adults? Or is it just some sick tally to show the world how full of a family you can have/juggle? However, MY belief is just that - MINE. And I still love the Duggars, as completely different as they are from me! (Ha ha!) God loves our children, ALL of them. 

As I know there are many Americans who echo her feelings, I want to address her points, one at a time.

Here we go:

"Personally, I think having 8 kids is sketchy"

Sketchy. Just to be sure, I looked up the word in the Urban Dictionary and came up with some definitions that might possibly apply here:

-- Someone or something that just isn't right

-- Something unsafe 

-- Someone or something that gives off a bad feeling

-- Questionable

-- Creepy

-- Not kosher

-- Just generally something or someone that you don't want to be associated with

So, a happily married couple with a bunch of kids is... [fill in the blank with one of the above]. Ouch! Really?

Big families used to be seen as a blessing, a good, attractive, fun, warm fuzzy thing, a picture of hearth and home. Now, thanks to our Planned Parenthood societal ethic, a traditional, large, intact American family is seen as...sketchy. We've fallen a long way in a short amount of time. I actually find that so sad.

"[H]ow do you really mother/father each one?" 

This question is kind of vague. If you are talking about the practical matters, think of it this way: How does someone take care of a bigger house as opposed to a smaller one? Or, how does someone take care of a bigger garden as opposed to a smaller one? Et cetera. It's really just a matter of shaking off the things that are not as important and doing what needs to be done. The essentials of a happy life are pretty simple, actually.

"How do you give each one the love and attention they deserve to become well-adjusted adults?"

Your question implies that children in big families are at higher risk of being maladjusted adults. It begs the question: Is there a real correlation between family size and a happy, productive adulthood? Are the generally smaller families of today doing a better job raising children than the larger families of past generations? Personally, I don't find that today's young adults are any more functional, mature, honorable or virtuous than those of the past. I'm not blaming that on smaller families, because I don't believe that the number of children per family is the issue at all -- family size is no indication of one's virtue, functionality or success.

As far as love and attention, I'll answer with one of my favorite quotes: "Anyone who says you can't love your eighth child as much as your first has never had eight children." If my children are starved for love and attention, it's hard to understand why every one of them (except the baby, who cannot yet talk) desires and repeatedly requests another sibling.

As an experiment, I emailed the quote to my oldest child, who is away at college. I didn't prompt her or tell her where the quote came from. I only wrote, "Tell me what you think." She had no idea this was for the blog when she wrote her response, which came within minutes. Please remember, this is an unfiltered, honest response to what could be seen as an attack on the family she loves:

Excuse me???? Who said this???? This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. I tend to think I get too much attention sometimes, seeing how I get attention from 9 other people rather than just 2 parents. This is just ridiculous...and how does one become a "well-adjusted" adult with mommy and daddy giving them every single bit of their attention to them??? What the heck???

Intrigued, I decided continued the experiment with the next four children as they returned from school and activities. None of them knew that the others had seen the quote, nor did they know where it came from. I asked each privately, "What do you think?" 

First, my twelve-year-old son:

That's stupid! It's really not that hard to raise eight kids. It's not as hard as it seems! {Okay, I laughed internally at that part!} It would be more fun to have even more kids. More kids makes it more fun.

Next, my sixteen-year-old daughter:

I think it's ridiculous. I think it's the most stupid thing I have ever read in my life, because it's so not true!   

Then, my seventeen-year-old son: 

Wow, that is totally uninformed. I mean, how many siblings did this person have? Was he or she an only child? It's not as hard as it sounds, really. {I was surprised that two of my boys said this!} I mean, if you have parents that were raised well.

Finally, my ten-year-old son:

{His jaw dropped open as he read.} Ohhh....Is this a joke? {I tell him no, then ask again what he thinks of it.} I hate it! I just don't like it! It's obnoxious! Who is this lady? She's wrong! {He also volunteers to physically defend his family, but I will leave that part out, ha!}

(I would ask the three youngest children, but thankfully they wouldn't even understand such a statement. And, they are too busy playing with each other.) 

"Or is it just some sick tally to show the world how full of a family you can have/juggle?" 

If were trying to impress the world with a "tally" of something, it wouldn't be children. It would be cars, or houses, or career promotions, or vacations...anything but children. Having many children is worthy of scorn these days, as I daresay your comment illustrates. 

"However, MY belief is just that - MINE."

Quite true, but it's a mindset that is held by many others, so I appreciate the chance to address it. (And since it sounds so similar to the "your truth/my truth" issue, I will take the opportunity to direct readers here.)

"And I still love the Duggars, as completely different as they are from me! (Ha ha!)"

I love them too! But I'm interested to know how they escape your judgement, since their "sick tally" of juggled kids is more than twice the number of mine?

"God loves our children, ALL of them."

Amen! There's something we can totally agree on!