How to hack into someone else's blog and have a nervous breakdown to boot!

While the amazing, beautiful drama of Sew's baby reveal was going on today, a side drama was occurring behind the scenes. 


Here's a how-to for creating a similar drama in your own lives:


Step #1: Get an email from a blog friend who shall remain nameless (don't worry, I won't blow your cover, Jenny from All Things). She has recently updated Sew's post to let the world know that Sew is having a girl!


Step #2: Receive another email from the same blogger, saying: "You should pretty up the post!! I couldn't make it pretty from my phone!! Make it pink or something! If you want to... I'll give you the log in info!" {First mistake: My brain reads "blog" instead of "post"}


Step #3: Get excited at first, but then worry about what Sew might think. Respond via email: "Would she kill us?"


Step #4: Receive another email saying: "She's fine!! Her post was blue yesterday!! Just make the word girl pink and BIG!!!! And whatever else!!" {Second mistake: My brain translates "whatever else" to mean, "Do whatever you want!"} The blogger proceeds to give me Sew's secret password which gives me unlimited access to the sacred, untouchable Sew Infertile blog. It's like accessing the Holy Grail. Blogger ends email by saying: "Happy decorating!! :)" This further encourages me.


Step #5: Get more excited, as I have just last night started to play around with some advanced blogger template designs. Remember seeing some super cool backgrounds! I could find a baby girl background! This is the internet equivalent of decorating someone's locker!! Hmmm, then start to get worried again, knowing that I do not have Sew's permission to mess with her blog. But trust unnamed blogger implicitly that Sew won't mind.


Step #6: Send another email to unnamed blogger (aka Jenny): "But if i mess it up, I am so blaming you!!!!!!!"


Step #7: Crack Sew's blog wide open, realizing the incredible power I now hold in my hands. I am awestruck at the responsibility. Can I bear it? Will I be worthy? I proceed with great reverence and trepidation.


Step #8: Begin to meddle around with new blog backgrounds, fonts and colors. Realize pretty quickly that something has gone horribly wrong. Start to wish it was yesterday. Also realize that I have only about a half an hour before I leave for a swim party. I don't have much time to make this right.


Step #9: Send another (now panicked) email to blogger friend who got me in this mess: "[I use a bad word here for which I am now ashamed] I think I messed it up!!!!  I hope she doesn't kill me!!!  The background didn't work right!!!!!!"


Step #10: Notice that Sew uses a Shabby Blogs application, and I have transposed a Blogger background without first understanding that the two are not compatible and one must be removed or things look messed up. Have no idea how to remove the Shabby Blog background. Continue to panic.


Step #11: Email blogger again, with the following rapid-fire cries of desperation: 


"She uses Shabby blogs, that's why!  It is not compatible with what I did on blogger so now she is going to kill me!!!!!!!"

"And I have to go to a swim party now!!!  I am going to die!!!!"

"How do I get shabby blogs gone???"


"don't tell her it was me!!!   i'm scared!!!"


Step #12: Email blogger again, demanding her phone number (secretly thrilled that I get to talk to Jenny, er, unnamed blogger, for the first time)!


Step #13: Receive number and call blogger. What a sweet girl! Soothing, calm voice, just what I need, as I am FREAKING OUT!


Step #14: Did I mention that I had a deadline and was trying to get out of the house? And did I mention that Sew's blog (unbeknownst to her) is lying open on my screen with all its innards exposed like an open-heart surgery patient with his chest cut open? And I am the only surgeon? And I can either cure the patient or kill him? And I have never done a heart surgery before? And this is not just anyone's blog, but SEW'S BLOG??? Did I mention that????


Step #15: With blogger on the phone, supporting me, walk through various possibilities to cure Sew's blog. Almost delete her entire template (and possibly her entire blog?). Think that computer illiterate people should not be allowed secret passwords to iconic blogs.


Step #16: Twenty minutes later, after going through too many off-the-cuff experiments on Sew's blogger guts, we figure out how to rip her Shabby Blog out of her widgets. With moments to spare before I have to leave (and before Sew gets home to find her blog in a shambles), I click the blogger background into place and feel a six zillion pound weight lift from my shoulders. I was like Jack Bauer defusing a nuclear bomb with .0003 seconds to spare.


Step #17: Go to swim party and tell Danya all about it. 


Step #18: Come home and notice that several commenters have complimented Sew's new blog look! Sew herself has emailed unnamed blogger to tell her she likes the new background. RELIEF!!!


Step #19: Unnamed blogger tells Sew to watch for my next post. This is my next post, and it's the first time Sew will hear what really went down and who did it. As of this moment, I don't believe she is even aware that I was involved. Or that I have lost ten years off my lifespan from the stress.


Step #20: Realize it was all worth it!!! I would do it all again if it meant showing Sew how honored and thrilled we are to welcome news of her new baby GIRL!!!!