tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post8344492247254781764..comments2024-03-21T04:02:46.799-07:00Comments on Little Catholic Bubble: Just Curious: Too old to be open to more children?Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-43483528403761838312016-04-14T13:47:40.725-07:002016-04-14T13:47:40.725-07:00Yes, I'm also interested to know what "th...Yes, I'm also interested to know what "the slippery slope of NFP" is. Thanks!Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-65506750254966173702016-04-14T12:51:08.722-07:002016-04-14T12:51:08.722-07:00(comment directed to "OurLadyofGoodSuccess,&q...(comment directed to "OurLadyofGoodSuccess," aboveJoAnna Wahlundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09942928659520676271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-63526280787011328132016-04-14T12:50:26.645-07:002016-04-14T12:50:26.645-07:00"the slippery slope of NFP" -- what is t..."the slippery slope of NFP" -- what is that, exactly?JoAnna Wahlundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09942928659520676271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-30809740081552703362016-04-14T12:48:37.216-07:002016-04-14T12:48:37.216-07:00This is late to comment, but for the future if any...This is late to comment, but for the future if anyone reads these old comments: Actually the Catholic answer to an extreme situation, like for example, the mother has a health condition where pregnancy would endanger her life, was to completely abstain for the rest of the marriage, or generously take the risk. I have studied this extensively using historical documents and stories from Catholics who remember. NFP did not become an option until Pius XII mentioned it in an address to midwives because women were starting to want to contracept. It is not doctrine, dogma, nor infallible. Let's not forget that the Catholic Faith...the only True Religion, is supernatural. So a couple abstaining in marriage was seen as a means of sanctification, and from what I have read, spouses were sanctified by this.It's hard to understand this from a purely natural level, because of course, these are supernatural graces we receive. NFP is not practiced by Traditional Catholics who know their Faith and the slippery slope of NFP. It's the mystery of suffering, which I find so many Catholics don't really understand, especially when it comes to marriage and children.So we get a lot of NFP use to avoid some perceived suffering. And it's all perceived, because none of us knows what tomorrow will bring. OurLadyofGoodSuccesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05194285921375861852noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-27464972526565463952016-03-13T23:44:52.720-07:002016-03-13T23:44:52.720-07:00I am the youngest of six. After the fourth kid my...I am the youngest of six. After the fourth kid my mom did not want anymore. She got two more on the rythem methode; it didn't work for her. She did her Catholic duty and had me in her forties. Both my parents acted old and rarely interacted with me. My dad died when I was 11. My mom was abusive towards us because she hated being a mom. I got the brunt of it because I was the youngest. To this day I am not close to any family members. My advice, if you don't want kids anymore, then don't have them. It's not worth the pain inflicted on kids if you end up resenting them. And don't blame God. He gave you free will. Use it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-48132158303707598292013-12-31T01:46:43.056-07:002013-12-31T01:46:43.056-07:00Tell him not to be afraid but excited. My dad was ...Tell him not to be afraid but excited. My dad was 53 years old when I was born. He was a sight to see far into his 60s, biking and playing basketball, working in construction and architecture. He saw me married, with my first child, and with a second on the way before he died at 80 unfortunately (he could have lived longer if not for some avoidable illness).<br /><br />My brother and I were a bit of an insurance policy for him. We helped him finish his last house. We were able to keep him mobile when an accident put him in a wheelchair BECAUSE WE WERE STILL AT HOME. It was God's will that he have children late, I am sure of it, because it was great for me and my soul to serve him as a young man, and great for him to learn how to be served and taken care of by young sons.<br /><br />Don't be afraid. Lean on God, and don't be afraid.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-21205264371216470762012-04-20T11:42:13.251-07:002012-04-20T11:42:13.251-07:00Lena, it's great that you didn't "wai...Lena, it's great that you didn't "wait" through your 20's. But it's not an either/or thing. Mourning the loss of the 20's for family building doesn't mean that the 20's were wasted with waiting around. Of course not a single year is lost in our lives when we know God is working in us. He does work in us through suffering sometimes, though, and it is okay to acknowledge that suffering. Sometimes when people dismiss the suffering of waiting for marriage and family, regardless of age, it comes off like they are belittling the real suffering there. Like somehow suffering in one's 20's over marriage family implies that they were doing it wrong -- waiting around and wasting their time and not living life. The loss related to that desire is a big deal, even if our lives are certainly valuable and wonderful in other ways! So while one area of life may have been full of suffering in waiting for marriage and family to start, another area, like you said, can be full of growth enjoying the flowers :). It can be both ways, since life is often very complex!Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03625746219907319100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-9895341685567386402012-04-16T08:19:04.212-07:002012-04-16T08:19:04.212-07:00Robin, thanks! I want to throw in one great thing ...Robin, thanks! I want to throw in one great thing about being in a "Bubble" (meaning a lot of good Catholic family and friends) -- blessedly, I never got a single negative comment about my pregnancies as I got older. Not from anyone. That's because so many of my friends have had babies in their forties (one is pregnant now at almost 48!). And, my doctor is pro-life (though not Catholic), so he was always very supportive (never even used the term "advanced maternal age") and never pressured me to get an amnio (which I never did) or any of the other tests that I didn't want. My heart goes out to those who have to withstand those kinds of judgements and queries from people who are just plain ignorant thanks to a culture which does not welcome children past a certain age, and which likes to scare older women with misleading stats. That said, I am one of those "passively" open to life, as the body sure does slow down when one gets to my age! I don't think a pregnancy would be too easy for me now, but again, that is for me and my husband and God to discern, and no one else should pipe in with melodramatic, uninformed "warnings." The only appropriate thing that anyone should ever say to a married couple who are expecting a child is "Congratulations!!!" :)Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-80899626735241108142012-04-16T07:22:00.197-07:002012-04-16T07:22:00.197-07:00I just reread my comment and thought I should clar...I just reread my comment and thought I should clarify one thing! When I complained about people making comments about the risks of having a baby over 40, I was referring to unsolicited comments from friends and family, made to my face, usually in the context where we are announcing a pregnancy, etc. That can really get under my skin and cause my doubt and worry to spiral out of control.<br /><br />But I emphatically do not have any problem with commenters on this thread who may have brought up these concerns in the context of a frank and thoughtful discussion. Clearly, I have my worries too. Big time.Robin E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03970907580484799535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-60488378793834449282012-04-16T07:01:27.856-07:002012-04-16T07:01:27.856-07:00This is a great discussion. I've been followi...This is a great discussion. I've been following along, and don't have much insight into the mindset of the op's husband, or what she can do about it other than pray, pray, pray! And sacrifice. Maybe novenas to St. Joseph, St. Jude, St. Rita (who has been extraordinarily generous to me), and St. Andrew (Christmas novena).<br /><br />However, I would like to make one observation that hasn't really been brought up so far. I am 41 years old, due in June with my eighth child. I always wanted a large family, but over the years my ideas of what large really is have evolved to where I really can't see limiting our family size anymore, given our age and the fact that there is almost no conceivable way we could ever be able to increase our family beyond limits we feel we could manage happily.<br /><br />And, I'm trying to face the fact that this may be it for us, that our years of babies and little kids in the house are coming to an end. What a sad thing, really. We could have had all that traveling and career, nice house, etc., like so many of our family members have. But we are so happy we chose this other adventure instead. Now we may be able to do some of those things, have our leisure time and all, but it just seems so empty to me by comparison.<br /><br />I would obviously love to have another after this baby, but am worried about putting my husband (and myself) through the emotional strain and pressure of trying for a baby and failing. I have lost two babies at around 6 weeks gestation in the past four years, but conceived healthy babies soon after. I am worried now that my odds are worsening, and that, at this age, being open to life also means being open to death (of one's unborn children) and great suffering. I have never been so afraid as in the early weeks of this pregnancy, and I know I've gotten off easy compared to many. I also hate the comments from people "concerned" about having a baby past 40. I am in great health, and don't look or feel old, so I wish people would just shut up about the risks. Like I really haven't thought about all that! Unfortunately, comments like that really do take their toll.<br /><br />Does anyone else have a similar situation or concern? At what point/age should one stop trying for a baby and just remain passively open to life? How does one balance fear of miscarriage with fear of missing one's last chance for a baby? This is where, for the first time in my life, I feel the suffering inherent in motherhood, and know it can neither be whitewashed nor avoided.Robin E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03970907580484799535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-5146913646403584772012-04-15T21:22:26.992-07:002012-04-15T21:22:26.992-07:00I don't have any words of wisdom - but enjoyed...I don't have any words of wisdom - but enjoyed this post, and all the responses. <br /><br />I can empathize with being scared -- I'm 39, and pregnant with Baby 5.0. I could have at least 5 more years of fertility ahead of me. I'll be nursing this baby for a long time, which will make NFP even more of a challenge for me. <br /><br />I agree with Abigail .... being surrounded by Catholic families with 6,7, 8 children makes me a little more comfortable with the fact that we may not be 'done'. <br /><br />I've come to realize that it's OK to be scared - God doesn't expect us to have all the answers -- but to lean on Him.Dianna@KennedyAdventureshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13302775757558379006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-65219299510977481702012-04-15T08:45:23.060-07:002012-04-15T08:45:23.060-07:00Reading this at age 43, 39 1/2 wks pregnant after ...Reading this at age 43, 39 1/2 wks pregnant after a 4 year bout with secondary infertility; a stillbirth and 3 miscarriages. I'm praying for Jane! There is nothing like the desire for children and not being able to have them for any reason. May God bless you!<br />As far as the age thing? We are looking forward to having an 18 year old with 61 year old parents....because we are so much smarter now than having had an 17 year old with 43 year old parents! This baby is blessed and mygoshbeyondwords, so are we!<br />Best wishes! LisaLisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02231218716691384000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-77078838831559942852012-04-12T18:49:10.122-07:002012-04-12T18:49:10.122-07:00My new philosophy is nag God, not my husband. I a...My new philosophy is nag God, not my husband. I am trying :) I agree about avoiding not being good for a marriage, so see if you all can learn NFP (I am a huge Creighton model advocate) so you can at least be intimate. And keep nagging God!WheelbarrowRiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09786312554610653043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-2086155428772926932012-04-12T17:52:58.118-07:002012-04-12T17:52:58.118-07:00Maybe the lack of intimacy is a result of marital ...Maybe the lack of intimacy is a result of marital problems, not the cause of them. Maybe the husband is stressed. Maybe home life is too chaotic. Maybe there are physical problems he needs to take care of, or emotional or spiritual roadblocks. Maybe he's worried about money. Maybe he's just not that into his wife. We may never know the his reasons. There could be a simple reason, or a complex reason he feels too old. Maybe he's happy to not have sex for some reason. I'd worry about the marriage first. And that's my opinion.Lenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09173616693453942166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-10615101543031697032012-04-12T16:13:30.978-07:002012-04-12T16:13:30.978-07:00I am jumping in even though I haven't been abl...I am jumping in even though I haven't been able to keep up, as usual! I'm glad that I happened to start reading at StarFire's message. I think it's an important one for all moms, because none of us knows when our time on earth will be up. I have read that postpartum depression can be worse in women whose mothers are no longer living, because they don't have their own mother to turn to for advice - I think that applied to first-time moms. What a great gift to write down some of our thoughts now, in case we aren't there for our adult daughters.<br /><br />Anyhow... my biggest concern here is the husband cutting off intimacy. It makes me wonder if he is having low testosterone issues, which could also make him feel less able to come up with the energy for another little one. Just a thought. But, a lack of intimacy can be dangerous to the relationship What if you get used to that and never get that part of your marriage back again? I thought of this discussion when I saw the following comment and came over here to share it: "The death of communication is the birth of resentment." Intimacy is an important part of the language of your marriage, and unless you both agree that it isn't that important to you anymore, discontinuing it could be a cause for resentment. I hope that's not the case for Leila's friend, but I did want to mention it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-89042796992814213402012-04-12T14:53:19.257-07:002012-04-12T14:53:19.257-07:00First baby at 26 3/4, second baby at 30, went on t...First baby at 26 3/4, second baby at 30, went on the pill without much thought until I miscarried my third child. Then I read the small print and found out the pill actually can cause a healthy embryo to abort. Went off the pill,still using barrier methods, had 4th baby at 37, 5th baby at 39. Finally saw the light of my Catholic Faith concerning issues of contraception, and just put it in God's hands, which was a pretty safe thing to do since I was already so "old". 6th baby at 42 and baby #7 at 44 2/3. I am now almost 55, having only a few periods a year, but would jump at the chance to give birth, if God willed it. (My husband, who become a Catholic after #6 was born, feels the same).lidiapurplehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15053935492132248585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-84047668468486706052012-04-12T06:35:45.402-07:002012-04-12T06:35:45.402-07:00I'm a single woman, 49 years old, and have no ...I'm a single woman, 49 years old, and have no children. I have always tried to live God's will in my life, even though being a wife and mother were the only heart's desires I have ever known. Life is hard and, if we truly and sincerely want to walk the path of Life, only love and service give it meaning. If you can let go of your own dreams and aspirations for your life, you will find peace and joy. In my experience, that's a promise that God always keeps.Laurihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05737862543232635237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-89454438734340292262012-04-12T06:07:06.151-07:002012-04-12T06:07:06.151-07:00http://www.nogreaterjoydad.com/
I just read this ...http://www.nogreaterjoydad.com/<br /><br />I just read this blog post...It appears to be written by a dad who is afraid... ;) Good read!Sewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09963399196987365207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-67570766407797809422012-04-12T05:39:21.272-07:002012-04-12T05:39:21.272-07:00Good read today. So often we think we know what...Good read today. So often we think we know what's best. Or we just don't really care for anyone's perspective but our own. It can be so hard to trust in God, let things unfold as they may. But it is so <br />fulfilling to know that we are doing His will when we just submit and let him call the shots. That we are not getting in his way. That we are doing exactly the mission He planned for us.Amy@Diapeepeeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10155562802806704713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-69253498707445989842012-04-12T04:45:46.762-07:002012-04-12T04:45:46.762-07:00Now, I remember the LOUD TICKING of the biological...Now, I remember the LOUD TICKING of the biological clock when I was in my 30s. It doesn't seem so obnoxious now.Lenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09173616693453942166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-4799308351282038402012-04-12T04:40:06.782-07:002012-04-12T04:40:06.782-07:00Everything seems longer when you are younger. Ten ...Everything seems longer when you are younger. Ten years seems like twenty, and now ten years seems like five!<br /><br />I know all about the long wait except I've decided not to wait. Waiting implies sitting still. What if the bus never comes and you're sitting there at the grubby bus stop when you could be going for a walk in the park and enjoying the flowers? <br /><br />Hopefully the twenties are not lost if you're single. Hopefully you are growing in some other way if not growing your family. <br /><br />As much as I would like to share the walk in the park with someone else, I am still enjoying the flowers.Lenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09173616693453942166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-90194783521591705692012-04-11T23:34:21.888-07:002012-04-11T23:34:21.888-07:00I was thinking the same thing about marrying "...I was thinking the same thing about marrying "late". While hindsight always makes things easier, men and women cannot be certain about fertility until they are "trying". So if you worry at all about fertility, and anyone can have trouble there, then 30's can seem late to start figuring things out. <br /><br />And I was also thinking about the wait. If you are someone who desired marriage from a young age and did not buy into the prolonged adolescent culture, then waiting 10 or 15 years, even if you are only 35, can seem like forever, hence marrying "late". So I agree :). Not trying to perpetuate a myth of 30's as old, but I understand why it can feel late. And, if you desire a large family, it is hard not to focus on the lost 20's. Sometimes we just have to trust God there.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03625746219907319100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-42319751977961141632012-04-11T21:15:38.166-07:002012-04-11T21:15:38.166-07:00I've been reading some of the comments and uns...I've been reading some of the comments and unsure if I should jump in or not. I'm a child of older parents (They were 42 when I was born and had been married for over twenty years.) I really don't want to come across as a negative voice in this discussion because I happen to think I had a fantastic childhood and love my parents very much. <br /><br />That being said, it is very possible that before my 30th birthday I won't have any living parents. There is a lot more to being a parent than getting a kid to 18. So I have a few observations for the older parents from a kid in that position. <br /><br />First, make a commitment to your health. If you are going to have a kid who turns 18 in your 60s make a good effort to stick around until your 70s and/or 80s. My mom never made it to my wedding and it is very unlikely my future kids will have many memories of my dad- if they have any. <br /><br />I would never say this to my parents but it broke my heart my parents ignored weight issues and other health issues. I know why they did it, the same reason we all do- we don't think it really going to be a problem that happens to us. But if you have a later-in-life child, do them a favor and try to be in the best health you can be. As a teenager I just couldn't understand why they weren't doing EVERYTHING possible to make sure they would live longer.<br /><br />Second, realize there are a lot of adult issues your grown kids may not ever get a chance to ask you about. Take some time to write down how you dealt with some difficult situations and some of your life lessons. There are thousands of questions I have now that I am a wife I wish I could have asked my mom. Questions I never considered/thought about before I was married. I'm sure I'll have even more if/when I become a mom. I never would've paid attention as a teenager if she tried to talk to me then and now she's not around to ask. <br /><br />(Just a note: My parents never planned to have a larger family or any of their kids. They were just a good, catholic couple (I never heard them utter the phrase "open to life") but both told me they thought one child was plenty. I guess God knew they were going to be great parents so gave them a lot more!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-68659382754378246502012-04-11T15:59:38.916-07:002012-04-11T15:59:38.916-07:00Just for clarification, because Mrs. Reverend Doct...Just for clarification, because Mrs. Reverend Doctor's post made me think I missed something, Michelle Duggar has not announced another pregnancy since her loss of Jubilee Duggar in December at about 20 weeks gestation.rdcobbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669703683542625217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-65656091028557876012012-04-11T14:49:11.417-07:002012-04-11T14:49:11.417-07:00I find this post really fascinating and I keep com...I find this post really fascinating and I keep coming back to read the comments. Jane's situation really struck me because my husband is 11 years older than me. Currently, my husband is 41, our oldest child is 2 and we definitely hope to have my children. To think of him suddenly deciding enough while I am still pretty fertile is a scary thought. I feel for you, Jane! <br /><br />From my husband's perspective, I don't think he feels old or thinks of himself as an older father. I think his take on it is that somehow his ability to father children is a testament to his manliness. <br /><br />I tend to second what others have said in that Jane's husband may have some valid concerns about adding to the family. Also, I agree that it's important to try to continue to go on dates and to keep up hobbies together. I'd also add the importance of taking care of oneself physically, so that he has trouble resisting your charms, if you know what I mean;) Then leave it at that and pray, pray, pray. But I don't know if I'd broach the subject again for a while, and I don't know if I'd be giving him Catholic reading material, if he's not a practicing Catholic. <br /><br />It's certainly a tough situation indeed, but I'll be praying for Jane and her husband. God bless!Jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14527973802393864654noreply@blogger.com