tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post2709546735110488668..comments2024-03-21T04:02:46.799-07:00Comments on Little Catholic Bubble: How to raise eight children without even tryingLeila@LittleCatholicBubblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-71005598898300878462015-12-01T10:36:15.763-07:002015-12-01T10:36:15.763-07:00Em, forgive me, but you sound incredibly bitter. T...Em, forgive me, but you sound incredibly bitter. That is very sad, and I'm sorry for you that you did not get enough attention. I don't know anything about your parents or about the heavy burdens that were place on you (how did previous generations survive, having to help with the household and the farms, etc?). But I can assure you that my kids have lots of leisure time (I think they may spend about 20 minutes on chores a day, unfortunately, if that!) and do all the activities that they enjoy. The "babysitting" they do is prefaced by begging us to go out so that they can set up a movie or video games while we are gone. Woe is them. ;)<br /><br />All my kids (two married now, each with a honeymoon baby) want large families. I don't know how or why that happened, but I'm grateful. My first daughter (and oldest child) is expecting baby number two at age 24, and my second daughter (with an eight month old) just told me this morning (before I read this) that she has "baby fever". All the kids are so grateful to have their siblings, who will be with them for long years after Dean and I are gone. What a blessing! I know multiple families who have many more children than we, and they are very, very close and loving, through many generations and ongoing. I am sorry your experience was so awful. Perhaps you felt unloved? If not, then perhaps you simply wanted more and more "stuff" and "experiences", instead of being happy and grateful for the simple things in life? We live in a culture that tells us we must have everything we want, or we can never be satisfied. What a crock! I could go on about that for years. <br /><br />And, just for clarity: My children have all learned to play instruments, all have been in clubs, all have been in sports (not all in the same season), all have climbed mountains (at least small ones here in AZ), have all traveled, and all read books. But I admit, we don't have pets. Whoops, they will survive. And they have a lifetime to have pets of their own if they so choose (so far they haven't wanted them).<br /><br />If they want more out of life when they leave the home, they have plenty of decades to "self-actualize". ;) So far, not one has the attitude of unhappiness, resentfulness, and bitterness that I see in your words. I am sorry for whatever went wrong in your upbringing (or your character development). I hope you will one day forgive your parents for their sins against you. It sounds like you felt quite unloved. I wish you peace. Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-20088707695609572602015-11-25T10:27:07.838-07:002015-11-25T10:27:07.838-07:00Well, I was raised as an older daughter in a large...Well, I was raised as an older daughter in a large family. My parents held attitudes toward child-raising similar to yours: "We can do this because we'll make the older kids do a lot of the work of parenting! Yay, aren't we amazing?!!!!" And I still resent the fact that they made themselves too busy by overburdening themselves just because "oh, we love babies" to invest in MY life while I was young. Love may multiple as more children are added, but time does not and neither do tangible resources. You are absolutely right--with a family that size, no one has TIME to let the older kids participate in organized sports or activities. Say what you will about them just "playing" together in the yard, but that is a shame for the ones who could have otherwise developed so much more. My youngest siblings are the only ones in our family whom my parents have been able to invest in that way--before, they just scrambled to keep everyone warm/dry/fed/educated in the basics. My youngest brothers have had the chance to pursue their own interests and develop lifelong skills and friendships during their highschool years, and I am jealous of that. My teen years were full of, well, babies. Pretty much just constantly taking care of the babies, all the time. And we loved the babies, of course! Only monsters would tell you they don't "love" a baby who is part of their family. But that doesn't make it right for two adults to parasitically absorb the lives of their older children that way. You are wrong to think it is "just fine" and "normal" to make your kids parent each other. It is a confusing and twisted way to have to grow up. My youngest siblings and I were never really able to just be siblings and enjoy each other's company, because my parents created the dynamic that made us older ones more like parents to them...but yet we were still kids ourselves. That is not healthy or good for anyone. Once I reached adulthood and became independent from the ginormous-sprawling-family responsibilities, it took me a long time to figure out what my OWN goals and dreams in life were. My parents maybe SAID they cared about me and my development, but frankly they never had time. And I think at least partly because of the fact that my childhood was filled so much with parenting and family-household responsibilities just as you describe here--I have no desire to have any children of my own. Ever. I had waaaaaaay to much of child-raising before I ever left home to want to start all THAT again. And you know what, there is a LOT more to life than absorbing it all in the kid-raising gig--c'mon: read a book, climb a mountain, join a club, learn an instrument, raise some pets. All of those things would have been nice, but there just is not time, attention, or money enough to go around when the house is so bursting full. Just be careful to remember that YOU are the one who chose to keep having babies, so YOU should be responsible for their care, not the other kids. The young people still in your house, who have never known life any other way than what you have made it for them, they deserve more respect and personhood than what you show. They just might actually have some developmental needs of their own, other than being your "built-in babysitters." That is such a rude and demeaning term itself--why do people still apply that to their children? I'm pretty sure both you and your husband would be offended if you heard your spouse describing your role in the household that way: "oh yeah, and the best part about marrying her and keeping her around... I now have a 'built-in babysitter' whenever I want to get away!"Emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05256381744131376242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-56551506441335462552013-12-19T07:43:11.355-07:002013-12-19T07:43:11.355-07:00are you brazilian?are you brazilian?Mari Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06651470437337280666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-43121285405383586462012-10-12T19:02:14.940-07:002012-10-12T19:02:14.940-07:00I love this!! You are so funny and so real, and th...I love this!! You are so funny and so real, and this was so encouraging. I do many of the things you listed the same way and this was so encouraging to me to know it's okay for things to be done a little "Differently" than the norm. Like you said, things like that are what enable me to have a larger than average family without going insane. God bless you! Your facebook friend, Kristi Dahl Anderson :)Kristihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00341613233598062262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-21016633893712934932012-06-21T11:58:15.196-07:002012-06-21T11:58:15.196-07:00Nice to know I'm not the only wife in the worl...Nice to know I'm not the only wife in the world who is a horrendous mess in the kitchen; like your husband, mine also loves to cook, and hence is in charge of all things culinary - except shopping. I love grocery shopping, so I happily buy whatever he puts on the list!Elizabethhttp://www.confessionsfromaworkingmom.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-20775356964178709382012-04-28T12:11:55.854-07:002012-04-28T12:11:55.854-07:00Oh my word, this was so encouraging! I have three ...Oh my word, this was so encouraging! I have three children right now, but we hope to continue to add more. And I admit to fear and trepidation about how that's going to work out and when I feel like it's so hard just to manage three! Thanks for you honesty and encouragement. I love that your husband cooks and grocery shops and that you don't change the kids' sheets all the time. Ahh...that totally took some of the guilt off!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12719147314259827987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-37645987662196054132012-04-24T13:25:49.351-07:002012-04-24T13:25:49.351-07:00Yes, you should be very proud of her!! She will be...Yes, you should be very proud of her!! She will be a light to all. I'm thinking the part about recess is because she is not athletic? I was not, either. Either way, she sounds like such a good girl and she will find wonderful friends in her life. Maybe not this year, but hopefully soon! I've seen it happen. One boy I know who was always alone, in a sense, but grew into the most virtuous, wonderful young man. I love seeing him today. It was hard in grade school, but he has become truly stellar, and has friends AND his virtue!Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-70825898605589906402012-04-24T07:33:19.465-07:002012-04-24T07:33:19.465-07:00My children go to public school. I am proud of her...My children go to public school. I am proud of her for doing what she knows is right despite the fact that it is unpopular. She is a great girl. I just want for her to feel comfortable at school. She says at recess she watches everyone else. That breaks my heart. Hopefully the situation is being exaggerated a little. You never know. Thanks for your response.The Spanglershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06968300344577194610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-30548533621821970372012-04-23T22:30:22.533-07:002012-04-23T22:30:22.533-07:00Mrs. Spangler, does your daughter go to public sch...Mrs. Spangler, does your daughter go to public school? I had my kids in a tiny little independent Catholic school for elementary school, and most of the families were my friends. All of the families were like-minded, devout Catholics. So, they had those formative years within a very Catholic culture, no real worries about that kind of stuff. So, I haven't had that experience. I say good for her for being counter cultural! And, if she is doing well in school on top of being modest, she is on her way to very good things. I think in time it should work itself out. If she is kind to all, she will be the one everyone wants to talk to and can trust after all the other kids have stabbed each other in the back, ha ha. I've seen it happen. Don't know if that helps, but I think it sounds like you have a great girl there.Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-54609535350432434792012-04-23T15:46:01.634-07:002012-04-23T15:46:01.634-07:00Just read this post after reading the one about wh...Just read this post after reading the one about why you shouldn't have 8 kids. Had to laugh at your admission to not being able to multi-task. I say that ALL the time. I am so bad, that, I kid you not, when I was in labor, if someone came in and started talking to me, I'd quit having contractions. I seriously cannot talk and give birth at the same time. Of course, once transitional labor started, I wasn't in the mood for chatting anyway. :)The Crazy Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11289367291336761873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-85360808547126825212012-04-23T11:49:12.842-07:002012-04-23T11:49:12.842-07:00I am a mother of 5 children and it is so true that...I am a mother of 5 children and it is so true that the older kids can and do help so much with the younger ones. It is so liberating that our oldest can now babysit. It has been a life saver a few times when my husband and I each have our own meeting to attend and the same time. <br />I have a situation that I would love to hear your take on. My daughter is finishing 5th grade and is often feeling like she doesn't fit in. As she says she doesn't dress like the other girls in short shorts or play a lot of sports, she isn't into expensive fashion, and she does well in school. All of those things some how exclude her from one group or another. As I see it she doesn't want to be like everyone else but she does want to be accepted for who she is. Do you have any experience with this in your family?The Spanglershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06968300344577194610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-47224088058264713512012-04-23T11:43:13.464-07:002012-04-23T11:43:13.464-07:00I'm expecting baby #6, hubby is a self employe...I'm expecting baby #6, hubby is a self employed painter...and all I can say after reading this post is "AMEN!, I wish I could meet her in real life because I'm sure we'd be friends!" My kids all have a laundry basket with their name on it, I avoid shopping with kids at all costs, minimize activities for the kids...and on it goes.Knitted_in_the_Wombhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10137588397993575530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-38074263964758173102012-04-23T11:11:58.542-07:002012-04-23T11:11:58.542-07:00I saw this on Facebook and as a Catholic mother of...I saw this on Facebook and as a Catholic mother of ten and a blogger it definitely caught my eye! The only thing I would add is the necessity of teaching skills to kids. As they learn how to do things, it frees me up. I have made sure they load/unload the dishwasher, do the laundry, mop floors, roast chickens, and comb hair. A five year old can unload the silverware while the taller and older kids do glasses. That kind of thing. I don't mop anymore and I don't buckle younger kids. The more kids I get, the older the kids get, the easier the mom gig gets!Melissa Naaskohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03930313817092938958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-71275040006238274672011-11-06T16:55:36.369-07:002011-11-06T16:55:36.369-07:00Thank you for directing me to this post! I had re...Thank you for directing me to this post! I had read something about the Tunnel of Parenthood on another blog recently, and I'm glad to hear it again. Makes me feel less desperate (and slightly less crazy for contemplating a large family).Julianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09134771358325901297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-48048930394598537692011-11-02T18:41:42.783-07:002011-11-02T18:41:42.783-07:00What a great post! I grew up in a family of nine, ...What a great post! I grew up in a family of nine, and the chaotic awesomeness of it is something I long to replicate in my own home someday. My parents were never well off -- Dad is a self-employed mechanic, and Mom stays at home -- but providence always kept us afloat (sometimes in miraculous ways). We never had nice cars, or a big enough house, or got to take vacations, and for Christmas and birthdays we received literally about a tenth of what our cousins and friends from smaller familes got. But I never felt poor. (In fact, my uncle once told my mom that we were a lot happier with our small Christmases than his kids with their big ones.) "Poor" for me was someone in rags begging in the street, like the poor people the saints helped in our picture books. We didn't have the fanciest toys but we were much more imaginative with what we did have than any of the other kids on the block, and we had a lot more fun. I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything. And someday I'm going to give my own children the same thing.<br /><br />I love your post, because this joyful side of Catholicism and the family life cannot be stressed enough, not when the world is constantly trying to say the opposite!<br /><br />-AnthonyAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04445507535678306540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-80882524896332783412011-10-28T01:36:11.522-07:002011-10-28T01:36:11.522-07:00Thank you, Leila! My oldest is 3 years old, so it ...Thank you, Leila! My oldest is 3 years old, so it might take a little long yet so he can be helpful (by now, he barely speaks well!). <br />Anyway, you'll get a little more of brazilian readers because of this article (http://noticiasprofamilia.blogspot.com/2011/10/por-que-eu-nunca-deveria-ter-tido-oito.html), which is a translation to Portuguese of a recent post of you, on how you shouldn't have had 8 kids. Amazing post! Although Brazil does have this culture of having maids and nannies, people are stuck in that "2-kids-is-enough" idea. I'll keel following you!Mari Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06651470437337280666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-15596183916297392942011-10-27T22:35:51.917-07:002011-10-27T22:35:51.917-07:00Mari Mari, I love that I am getting such great com...Mari Mari, I love that I am getting such great comments from my international friends! To me, the really helpful stage starts around age nine or ten, but then it gets REALLY good when they are old enough to babysit and then dear husband and I can go out on a date! :)<br /><br />But it all goes so fast. It seems like you never will get out of the small child stage, but then they grow up and you seriously cannot believe it. It's stunning how fast it goes by when you look back….Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-70554775825073430062011-10-27T15:50:38.835-07:002011-10-27T15:50:38.835-07:00Follow you from Brazil!
I'm a mother of two, ...Follow you from Brazil! <br />I'm a mother of two, maybe preparing for #3 in the coming year, probably having a large family in the years to come, and living basically an american lifestyle - cooking, cleaning and doing laundry myself (Brasil is like India or Bolivia, it`s quite cheap and common to have a maid). But you gave me golden advice: to be on top of meals and laundry. I've been doing that even though I have never noticed I've been priorized meals and laundry! My house isn't the cleanest, nor the most organized, but I do my best in order not to go crazy! I wonder the age kids start being really helpful: five? seven? eleven? even older? What would you say?Mari Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06651470437337280666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-25984629086893014862011-10-26T09:14:28.348-07:002011-10-26T09:14:28.348-07:00Catey and Unknown, thank you so much! It's so ...Catey and Unknown, thank you so much! It's so nice to know you are "out" there, living the same blessed craziness!Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-43843572826017612752011-10-24T18:04:23.239-07:002011-10-24T18:04:23.239-07:00Thank you so much for this post! You can't ima...Thank you so much for this post! You can't imagine how encouraging to me to read this. I have 4 boys aged 4, 3, 2 and 5 months old, and I often feel so overwhelmed! I'd love to have more children; I just hope I can take good care of them all! :)<br /><br />You don't see large families very often, and passed 4 kids, you're definitely an alien in this world! It's beautiful to see couples who open their life to many kids. <br /><br />Congratulations!!Coyohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07358671867855486124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-61142568979854128972011-10-23T16:17:18.430-07:002011-10-23T16:17:18.430-07:00I too am one who just found your blog, loving it! ...I too am one who just found your blog, loving it! I am not Catholic but was referred to by a friend of mine who is who read your recent feature. As the mom of 8 who knows that there is at least one more for our family, I am thoroughly enjoying hearing from someone who understand the craziness and the many blessings that a big family brings. Thanks for your perspective and your fabulously good attitude! :)Cateyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04313815726428345524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-10589456843836041672011-10-22T20:11:29.292-07:002011-10-22T20:11:29.292-07:00Mary, congrats on #2! Trust me, it's so great ...Mary, congrats on #2! Trust me, it's so great to have your children grow up together. And this is the "new normal" but then it will change when they get older. It's forever changing. God bless!Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-78915178642006137032011-10-22T10:11:28.511-07:002011-10-22T10:11:28.511-07:00Hi there! I just found your blog from a post you h...Hi there! I just found your blog from a post you have up on lifesitenews.com. Thank you for writing this--I'm in that trap of being pregnant with my second while my first isn't even 2, and I'm wondering how you ever get back to feeling normal. Thank you for your witness to Christian motherhood!Mary https://www.blogger.com/profile/11718664817375829581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-37908157193604629602011-05-10T08:48:12.938-07:002011-05-10T08:48:12.938-07:00Alisa, did someone call you careless? If you are m...Alisa, did someone call you careless? If you are married, then children are a natural and welcome consequence of marriage. Everyone used to understand that simple truth, even if life was hard. In this day and age, having eight children is a generous offering.<br /><br />But not sure I'm understanding your question or perspective, and I see that you have no blog...Leila@LittleCatholicBubblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09357573787143230160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-240447238522390484.post-44045211145223477022011-05-10T08:43:10.755-07:002011-05-10T08:43:10.755-07:00Help! I just found out that we are expecting our ...Help! I just found out that we are expecting our 8th baby. We like to think ourselves "generous" rather than "careless." What do you say?littleAlisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01703101244281535311noreply@blogger.com